Cheap Seats
It’s not a bonus check
While cleaning his locker recently, Indians pitcher Albie Lopez found his $7,800 paycheck from last September. He had forgotten all about it.
How did he remember to clean his locker?
But who does better commercials?
Figuratively speaking, Shaquille O’Neal said he used to look up to Wilt Chamberlain. Not any more.
O’Neal was apprised of comments Chamberlain made about him last week on ESPN’s “Up Close,” and responded with some harsh words of his own.
“Wilt Chamberlain was a great player,” O’Neal said. “Give him his respect. But Wilt Chamberlain can kiss my. ..”
The former Lakers center, appearing on the show to promote his new book, said Bullets center Gheorge Muresan may have more to offer as a player than O’Neal.
“As they call fouls today,” Chamberlain said. “Shaq gets away with what I would consider murder. I mean, I would think when you dip your shoulder and run over the top of the guy, and the foul is called on the guy who’s laying on the floor, you’re getting away with something. So Shaq is allowed to score some points that maybe he wouldn’t (otherwise) get.
“But if you made it a straight-up situation, and gave the same rules and regulations to Shaq that you give to Gheorge Muresan… . Muresan has a better touch around the basket, he can score more points.”
O’Neal said he didn’t see the show, but when asked if he had, he replied: “Was Wilt doggin’ me again? “I’d average 85 on Wilt, then and now,” O’Neal said. “I thought certain people were mentors. I’m glad I know who my real friends are.”
Yeah. The referees.
Don’t tug on Superman’s cape, don’t spit. …
When Roberto Alomar had his three-homer game earlier this season, it still left him five back of brother Sandy for the family home-run lead. Told his little brother had hit three homers, Sandy quipped: “Who does he think he is - Sandy Alomar?”
Jose, can you sleep?
We couldn’t let the passing of famed Chicago newspaper columnist Mike Royko go without one remembrance - this from a typical column on his beloved, but hapless, Chicago Cubs: “I’m mad at the Cub management for trading Jose Cardenal,” Royko wrote, “the only player I saw who could sleep between innings. In fact, Jose could sleep between pitches. With his potential, I had hoped he would remain in Chicago and someday become a distinguished alderman.”
Managing for dummies
Tigers outfielder Melvin Nieves had 133 fewer at-bats than Seattle’s Jay Buhner last year, yet finished one off Buhner’s league-leading total of 159 strikeouts.
So Tigers manager Buddy Bell this week ordered Nieves to stop watching tapes of his at-bats, since his strikeout ratio seems to climb when he becomes analytical at the plate.
“We’ve got to keep Mel dumb,” Bell explained.
Too bad he can’t room with Terry Bevington.
The last word …
“Tony Phillips suggests that his twogame suspension may be racially motivated, and it very well could be if idiot is considered a race.”
- Chicago Tribune columnist Bernie Lincicome
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