Maturity Has Many Meanings

Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I are blessed with two teenage sons who are excellent students, personable, well-mannered and athletic. Both have held responsible paid positions in their young years. They know they are loved unconditionally. We have had the same struggles that all parents have - the desire for teenage freedom vs. show-us-your-maturity-and-we’ll-give-you-more-privileges.

I remember back in the ‘60s, you had a column in which you ran the definition of “maturity.” I carried it in my wallet for years, but eventually, it fell apart. Is there any chance you could run that column again? We don’t preach to our kids because they tend to turn a deaf ear, but I occasionally tack up a clipping on the bulletin board, which always seems to get read and often leads to discussion. This would make for great dinner table talk - a time we have always insisted is “family” time. Thank you for helping all of us over those little bumps in life’s road! - V.C., McLean, Va.

Dear V.C.: With pleasure. Here it is and thanks for asking.

Maturity

Maturity is the ability to control anger and settle differences without violence.

Maturity is patience. It is the willingness to pass up immediate pleasure in favor of a long-term gain.

Maturity is perseverance, the ability to sweat out a project or a situation in spite of heavy opposition and discouraging setbacks.

Maturity is the capacity to face unpleasantness and frustration, discomfort and defeat, without complaint or collapse.

Maturity is being big enough to say, “I was wrong.” And, when right, the mature person need not experience the satisfaction of saying, “I told you so.”

Maturity is the ability to make a decision and stand by it. The immature spend their lives exploring endless possibilities and then do nothing.

Maturity means dependability, keeping one’s word and coming through in a crisis. The immature are masters of the alibi. They are confused and conflicted. Their lives are a maze of broken promises, former friends, unfinished business and good intentions that somehow never materialize.

Maturity is the art of living in peace with what we cannot change, the courage to change what should be changed and the wisdom to know the difference.

Dear Ann Landers: My mother was the first-born of seven children to blue-eyed parents. Five of the seven children have blue eyes except the oldest - my mother - and her youngest sibling. Both have brown eyes.

My mother has been told that it is not possible for parents with blue eyes to have brown-eyed children. My mother, who looks nothing like the rest of her siblings, has come to believe that she and her brother have a different father, and it has been a source of discomfort for years.

Would you please help me get a straight answer on this? It would be a help to the whole family if we could put this matter to rest. My mother worries about this endlessly. - Nanuet, N.Y.

Dear Nan.: Tell your mother to stop worrying about nonsense. According to the experts in the field of genetics, eye color can come from more than one gene. Some shades of brown are the result of pigment that can come from parents with any color eyes. While not common, it is entirely possible for blue-eyed parents to have hazel brown-eyed children.