Unreal Friendliness Fuels Kids’ Fantasies

Dear Ann Landers: Remember that voice of experience you always talk about? Well, here it is. I am writing about the divorced couple that wanted to take their two young children on a family vacation and asked what you thought about it. You said it was a great idea. Sorry, Ann, you are wrong, wrong, wrong.

My parents divorced when I was a child. We continued to go out to dinner together as well as take summer vacations as if we were a real family. I thought this meant my parents were working on getting back together. After all, they always got along so well when we were together.

Children of divorced parents always harbor a secret desire to see them remarry. I was no exception. All the family togetherness made these childhood fantasies seem real. No wonder I was shocked, depressed and totally unprepared when my father married another woman.

Let’s face it. When a child’s parents are divorced, they are no longer one happy family, and they should not try to act like one. - Been There and Done That in Florida

Dear Florida: I bow to the superior wisdom of those who have had experience along these lines. Divorced couples should be civil to one another but not so friendly that they give their children false hopes. I was clobbered by several readers who also had been there and done that. Pass the crow. I’ll eat a generous portion.

Dear Ann Landers: I hope you will print my letter and help me deliver an important message.

I left school at 15 because I got pregnant. By the time I was 18, I had given birth to two sons and put them up for adoption. At 22, I finally got my GED. By the age of 25, I was on my third marriage and had a baby girl.

When my daughter was 3, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s disease and underwent radiation. I lost 30 pounds. I also lost my husband. He left town and took my daughter with him. I was devastated. It took me almost a year to track him down and get my child back.

I married my fourth husband, wasted four more years trying to make the marriage work and finally went back to college to get a bachelor’s degree in biology. I got a divorce and married husband No. 5. Soon after, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I also developed an anxiety disorder for which I continue to take medication.

My car breaks down frequently, and I have only recently caught up paying the bills, but life is good. My current husband is the most supportive, kind and generous man in the world. He is my friend, lover, car mechanic, plumber, electrician, appliance repairman and nurse. He is a wonderful father to my daughter, who adores him. My dog loves him, too. My mother sends him thank-you notes for being so good to me. He attends school recitals and parents’ day events and sends me flowers for no reason.

The point of all this is to tell your readers never give up. No matter where you are or where you’ve been, there is always someplace left to go. And going forward is the best option. - Alive and 35 in N.C.

Dear N.C.: You are indeed a remarkable person and a true survivor. Your letter will surely encourage others who are faced with serious obstacles and having a tough time to bite the bullet and carry on. Thank you for all the people you have helped today.