Doo Dee’s Pals Are Out Of Their Skull

Human skulls … perfect for alternative religious practices. $600 each. Call 466- …

Time to check in on the further misadventures of my favorite eccentrics - those wacky Muellers.

When we last visited the north Spokane couple, Herb Mueller was grousing about having to share his bed with Doo Dee, his wife Pam’s pet chicken. The Rhode Island red watches “Geraldo Live” on the boob tube, eats off china at the dining room table and has the run of the Muellers’ upscale roost, often leaving unholy deposits on the floor.

“Hey, it’s a nice chicken, but I prefer to keep him outside,” says the henpecked hubby. “I just don’t have much say along those lines.”

In today’s episode, Doo Dee becomes an international TV star while Herb creates a ruckus when he takes out the above classified advertisement to sell two genuine human skulls he used back in dental college.

These Muellers aren’t a family - they’re a real-life sitcom. “We’re goofy,” agrees the jovial Herb, “let’s face it.”

Herb tried to unload his old bones last week. He got the idea after attending a convention where a biological supply house was peddling educational skulls for $750 each.

“Wow,” thought Herb, “I’m sitting on a fortune.”

The Muellers would make a good TV series along the lines of “The Honeymooners.”

HERB - “Hon-eee, have you seen my skulls?”

PAM - “Whataya want with those creepy things?”

HERB - “Sell them, Pam. We’re gonna get rich. Rich!”

PAM - “Have you flipped your lid, Herb? Nobody’s gonna want those dumb things.”

HERB - “I’m warning you, Pam. One more crack and it’s to the moooon!”

(Scene ends with canned laughter and applause.)

In real life, Herb dug his skulls out of the attic where they have gathered dust since he graduated from college in 1970.

Herb placed the ad in this newspaper under “miscellaneous for sale.” He added the “alternative religious practices” line to jazz it up for a sale.

“Besides an old woman with a wart on her nose and who rides around on a broomstick,” he says, “I couldn’t think of anybody else crazy enough to buy them.”

Herb’s ad produced a flurry of calls from aghast people who wondered if the Manson family was holding a clearance sale. Nobody, however, was in the market for a skull. “I guess there don’t seem to be any covens lurking around,” bemoans Herb.

While the dentist is a bit down in the mouth over his failed skull scheme, Doo Dee’s career is taking wing.

The amazing chicken - who often rides around on Pam’s shoulder and comes when you call it - was filmed this summer for “Eccentrics.” The Hollywood-based TV series will air later this winter. With actor Leslie Nielsen as host, the show features some of the planet’s quirkiest inhabitants.

“They filmed us for about four hours,” says Pam. “We went to the bank together, and Doo Dee ate lunch at the table. She had a real good time.”

The bad news is that “Eccentrics” is, for now, being shown only in the United Kingdom and Japan. A deal with American TV interests is hoped for after more episodes are shot.

Doo Dee and the Muellers are in great company on “Eccentrics.” Other subjects include: a Scottish recluse who had his body tattooed like a leopard and who lives in a cave. A Boston man and his wife who dress exactly alike. Plus, a Los Angeles goofball who covered the entire inside of his house with jigsaw puzzles.

“I don’t feel like an eccentric,” muses Pam.

Forget the skull biz, Herb. Get Doo Dee an agent.

The world may get a new superstar, and you just might get to sleep in a bed without feathers.

, DataTimes