Cheap Seats

Thanks a lot, Mom

Mad at the postal service? Well, sometimes it’s not their fault, as this tale from England suggests.

In 1950, Roy Sutcliffe, then 16, was given a tryout by Manchester United, one of soccer’s wealthiest and most illustrious clubs. He thought he did well but never heard from the team again.

Until now.

Recently, Sutcliffe unearthed a letter posted in 1950 that invited him back for a second trial. It appears his mother, who died not long ago, had forgotten to give it to him.

“My mum must have just put it in a drawer or something,” said Sutcliffe, 63, who became an engineer instead of a soccer pro. “I was a little upset at first.”

At least she didn’t throw out his baseball cards.

Now Mike, that’s not very nice

Mike Ditka has filed a plagiarism suit against Mike Keenan for, as Ditka put it, “filching my nice-guy act.”

The suit claims that Keenan, upon being hired to coach the Vancouver Canucks hockey team, presented himself as patient, tolerant, understanding and more gentle than his image, just as Ditka did when hired by the New Orleans Saints.

“The world of sports ain’t big enough for two of us,” Ditka said, “and if Keenan thinks he is nicer than me, I’ll tear off his head and spit down his neck.”

Dave Krieg, tough as nails

Think of the toughest men in pro football today. What names come to mind?

Dave Krieg?

So writes Bob Trumpy in the December edition of Inside Sports, ranking the journeyman quarterback, who has played for six teams in seven seasons, No. 8 on his “Dirty Dozen” list of toughest players in the NFL.

Trumpy’s rationale: “The 18-year NFL veteran has been sacked more times than any other quarterback, he’s fumbled more times than any other player - but he keeps turning up… . He’s one of the working stiffs, and that’s why his teammates love him wherever he goes.”

You got it wrong, Trump. Krieg merely found the six dumbest coaches to put him on their rosters.

Where’s a cop when you need one? Next door

Family and neighbors smiled and gawked Friday as Brian Murphy stood by an authentic Mark Martin Thunderbird, emblazoned with white, blue and red endorsements. The car idled in the driveway under a “Welcome Race Fans” banner.

Murphy’s name was plucked at random from among 350,000 other wannabe race car owners as winner of the nationwide Valvoline Big Race Sweepstakes.

Murphy’s not reckless, rash or prone to lapses of driving 200 mph on the narrow roads of Pangburn, Ark., population 654.

Still, Ed Goree, the police chief of the tiny central Arkansas community, said he’ll keep an eye on Murphy, whose driveway is a stone’s throw from the chief’s living room window.

Last word

“The Bowl Alliance confirmed that if there is no consensus No. 1 college football team at the end of the season, Notre Dame will be invited to play in each of the bowls.”

- Bernie Lincicome, Chicago Tribune

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo