Cheap Seats

Sic him!

Did Marge Schott really sic her Saint Bernard on Ray Knight when he was fired as manager of the Cincinnati Reds?

According to the Good Doctor in Inside Sports magazine, Schott denied that, saying, “I wouldn’t send a dog out on a Knight like this.”

Confessional

Deion Sanders said his religious conversion and a low ebb in his life almost prompted him to quit football.

The Dallas Cowboy star recently talked about football, women and religion before more than 5,000 worshipers at a church in Irving, Texas.

Sanders said religion has turned his life around, but temptations still exist.

“The women: Ooh!” he told the congregation, which burst into laughter. “Ooh! Delilah and Jezebel, they are real!”

Penthouse to outhouse

The Whitbread, the 31,600-mile, eight-month, around-the-world sailing race, is not an event for anyone desiring luxury accommodations, points out Roger Nilson, navigator on a Swedish entry.

He described to the Washington Post how his boat in the 1981 race was outfitted: “We had a French cook, a deep freeze and 200 bottles of French wine. I had a cabin to sleep in and another for navigating with a shelf for my books. We had carpets on the floor; weight was no consideration.”

One problem, he said. The boats were too slow.

“Now,” Nilson said, “It’s gone to nothing on board. We have a little tent-type stove, a toilet hung on the bulkhead. There are no pillows, no furniture. You eat from a dog bowl.”

Visualize this, Aztec fans

Sportswriter Ed Graney of the San Diego Union-Tribune helped his readers out with this bit of imagery after San Diego State lost to Air Force in overtime, 24-18:

“Go out to your garage this morning and remove the jack from the trunk of your car. Pick any tire. Remove it. Hammer 30 or so nails in it. Stomp it. Kick it. Make it as flat as possible. Look at it.

“Now you know what the offense for San Diego State’s football team resembles.”

We still love you, Marv

A poll conducted by the New York Daily News reported Sunday that 72 percent of sports fans would watch games broadcast by Marv Albert.

Albert was fired by NBC and resigned from Madison Square Garden network on Thursday after pleading guilty to misdemeanor assault and battery charges filed by a woman in Virginia.

The poll of 505 New Yorkers was conducted last Thursday night following the conclusion of the trial during which often lurid details of Albert’s sex life were made public.

Now, if Marv wore women’s underwear on his head during the telecast, 100 percent of New Yorkers would tune in.

The last word …

“This is bad folks. This is Villanova-Georgetown ‘85 squared. This is going to make Don Shula feel better about Super Bowl III. And U.S. captain Tom Kite has a chance to become the Ryder Cup’s Bill Buckner.”

- Dan Shaughnessy in the Boston Globe on the eve of the U.S. Ryder Cup team’s defeat by the Europeans.

, DataTimes