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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Too Bad Mother Goose Never Gave Dating Advice

Cheryl Lavin Chicago Tribune

We grow up hearing that girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice and boys are made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails. No wonder when we’re adults some guy can make a fortune telling us that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Is it any wonder we don’t get along?

Frances: “I was supposed to meet someone on a blind date, at a bar. I told him a bit about myself - red hair, will be wearing a tweed blazer, etc. I waited and waited and he never showed. Then I realized that my date was the guy who had walked in, looked around the place, and walked out. He saw me, rejected me, and didn’t want to waste 10 bucks and an hour of his precious time.”

Gretchen: “Once I had a boyfriend who broke up with me because he said he couldn’t stand the way I took his emotional temperature all the time. I really didn’t know what he was talking about. Now I understand. My current boyfriend calls me every night just to see what I’m thinking about. He asks me how I am 10 times in an evening. He brushes my hair away from my eyes and asks, ‘What’s going on in there?’ Gag me.”

Lauren: “My husband always used to yell at me for being disorganized. I could never find papers that we needed. My pocketbook was like a war zone. The floor of my car was a disaster. But the jerk ended up using my disorganization for his advantage. He was having an affair and he used his car phone to call his girlfriend. He had the phone bills sent to his office rather than our home. He was counting on the fact that I wouldn’t notice that we were no longer getting the monthly bill. But he didn’t count on my thrice yearly bouts of energy when I would file papers, balance the checkbook and make resolutions about being on top of things. When, during one of these periods, I asked him why we didn’t get a bill for the car phone, he turned a sub-white shade of pale. My car may be a mess, but I knew that look meant something. Getting the truth after that was easy. Now I only have my own bills stacked up on my dining room table.”

Nancy: “My friends told me when I left the big company I worked for to start my own business that I would never meet any men. I pointed out that I worked for a company that employs 300 people and had never had a single date with anyone from work. I had the last laugh. I am dating the accountant who helped me set up the books for my new business.”

Geoff: “Women are so suspicious and paranoid. If you strike up a conversation with a woman while you’re walking your dog or working out, before she even answers you, she looks you up and down, wondering if you’re a psychopathic liar, a man who can be trusted or good husband material. Women brush off my friendly overtures the way they do panhandlers. I feel like I should say, ‘Look, lady, this is called being friendly and happy. I am not interested in you! I do not want to sleep with you! I do not want to marry you! I am just being nice!”

Regina: “My husband and I have had many problems over the years and there have been times I have felt so suffocated and hopeless that I have been close to leaving. But all it takes for me to decide to stay put is to take my coffee break with one of the single girls at work. Their war stories are so depressing that it shocks me back into reality. One woman has dated, within the past year, a gay man and a man who was taking Lamaze classes with his other girlfriend. I’d rather stay with what I have, no matter how flawed.”

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