Cheap Seats

Heavy-duty danger

If Leonard Davis, Texas’ 6-foot-6, 355-pound freshman defensive tackle, can stop offenses the way he does elevators, coach John Mackovic’s decision to end his redshirt status should pay off.

Davis, one of the biggest and most sought-after recruits in the country last year despite hailing from tiny Wortham, Texas, so far is known primarily for causing elevators to get stuck.

For nearly 30 minutes recently, Davis and nine others sweated it out between the basement and first floor of a campus building until the repair staff could get the elevator moving again.

“We had to use the emergency button to call the police, and there was a girl in there who was claustrophobic,” Davis said. “She was about to lose it. We just tried to console her.”

Davis also got stuck on an elevator when he made his recruiting trip to Baylor last year, but he claims the stalling isn’t his fault.

Word has it that the team plane has been having trouble this season, too. Must be just a coincidence.

Albert, you’re a prince

Chicago White Sox shortstop Ozzie Guillen, who still has the binoculars that were tossed at teammate Albert Belle by a fan June 3 on his return to Cleveland:

“They’re good ones. I’m going to watch the bullfights with them.”

And thanks to Albert’s play on the field, Ozzie can watch other teams in the playoffs.

Charles the charmer

Erica Chambers, daughter of NBA forward Tom Chambers, and her brother were goofing around in a hotel hot tub, amusing each other with cannonballs.

NBA star Charles Barkley was not amused. Barkley, then with Philadelphia, was reading a newspaper and wasn’t pleased when Erica accidentally splashed him.

“He pointed at me and my brother and said, ‘If you do that one more time, I’m going to rip your heart out of your body,”’ Chambers remembered.

Leave it to Sir Charles to try to intimidate a small child.

At least he didn’t try one of his other classy moves - soaking them with his spit.

Good vs. evil

Tom FitzGerald in the San Francisco Chronicle: “The NHL season has started, and the NBA opens on Halloween. It will be interesting to see who has the better year, God (Washington Wizard rookie point guard God Shammgod) or Satan (Buffalo Sabre left wing Miroslav Satan).”

Expensive letter

Remember when Dennis Rodman vowed to appear naked in his final NBA game? Sam Smith of the Chicago Tribune advises the Bulls not to re-sign the Worm: “It’s time to dump Rodman’s behind, not risk seeing it.”

The last word …

“I heard there’s not a bad seat in the house, but when you only have 10,000 people show up, I guess not.”

Denver Broncos tight end Shannon Sharpe, on the home of the Atlanta Falcons.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo