The Slice The Meaning Of Life, A To Z

It has come to our attention that some of you occasionally find yourselves inquiring about the meaning of life. You know, the big question: “Why am I here?”

Well, we’ve gone ahead and narrowed the possibilities for you. Feel free to pick and choose.

a.) To stare up at your rain gutters and say, “Yep, they’re clogged with pine needles all right.”

b.) To help family members finish crossword puzzles.

c.) To go around turning off lights in unoccupied rooms.

d.) To argue about the proposed Lincoln Street bridge.

e.) To purchase caps, sweatshirts and jackets adorned with the logos of pro sports teams you’ve seen on TV.

f.) To put Phil Harris quotes in context for visitors from out of town.

g.) To determine which of the top managers at your business has the phoniest smile.

h.) To wait for a radio station to play that new Foo Fighters song.

i.) To listen to your co-workers talk about remodeling projects.

j.) To loathe celebrities.

k.) To wait for chances to say, “I’ve lived here longer than you have.”

l.) To make sure your workplace is one unending psychodrama.

m.) To love and serve the Lord.

n.) To scoff at the Spokane media.

o.) To say the “Rose Bowl prayer.”

p.) To read the great books.

q.) To spend all day in chat rooms.

r.) To make your waitress laugh.

s.) To say Channel 4’s Mark Wright seems like a nice guy.

t.) To buy more cat food.

u.) To diet.

v.) To describe North Idaho as a “seething caldron of repressed sexual tension.”

w.) To rake.

x.) To bake pies.

y.) To wink at toddlers.

z.) To break 100.

Sign seen next to the peaches at a Green Bluff fruit stand: “Hands off - and nobody gets hurt.”

At least it’s clear how to pronounce the second syllable: Jack Birchill ordered some materials by phone from the Deming-Luna County Chamber of Commerce in New Mexico. The envelope arrived addressed to him in “Spoolcan, WA.”

Slice answers: Ann Carey and Glenda Garcia said Buzz Adams is this area’s most consistently good-natured rec league athlete.

“Regardless of the sport, everybody that plays with or against Buzzie has a good time,” wrote Carey.

A bunch of nominees tied for second place with one vote apiece.

Today’s Slice question (fill in the blank): Admitting that you don’t care about ( ) can make you an outcast in the Inland Northwest.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Drawing

MEMO: The Slice appears Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. Someone ought to start a line of nonconformist neckties shaped like Inland Northwest lakes.