Warning: The following shows can be hazardous to your demeanor. They could ruin your day, or at least bore you to tears.
They are the five worst shows among the fall pilots. Watch them if you dare, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. They are numbered from worst to fifth from the bottom.
1. “Head Over Heels” (9:30 p.m. Tuesdays, UPN): The No. 1 rule of a comedy is that it should be funny. The No. 2 rule is that it should be funny. This show is not, with a mess of ridiculous caricatures and poor taste.
2. “Over the Top” (8:30 p.m. Tuesdays, ABC): Face it: Tim Curry is annoying. He’s not the type of guy you’ll want to watch each week. That’s why I predict this will be the first cancellation of the season.
One reason is that ABC Entertainment President Jamie Tarses’ ex-boyfriend Robert Morton is the show runner. The other reason is that they have “Something So Right” as a backup.
3. “Union Square” (8:30 p.m. Thursdays, NBC): Apparently Executive Producer James Burrows used his considerable clout to get this clunker into the prime spot between “Friends” and “Seinfeld.” This one should be called “Over the Top” because every character is.
4. “Sleepwalkers” (9 p.m. Saturdays, NBC): Watch the show and you’ll live up to its name. The walking part is optional.
5. “Working” (9:30 p.m. Wednesdays, NBC): The show stars Fred Savage, who seems like a nice enough guy. He deserves better.
He put a Stanford degree on hold for it. And I thought Stanford students were smart.
They all can’t be bad, so here’s a look at shows that are worth your time.
Now, I’m not saying we’ll be looking at the second coming of “Seinfeld,” but at least some of these will be worth getting attached to. They should be back next year.
They are ranked from best to fifth best.
1. “Brooklyn South” (10 p.m. Mondays, CBS): Nobody does police dramas better than Steven Bochco, who has elements of “Hill Street Blues” and “NYPD Blue” in this show. No, it’s not as good as either of those two, but what is these days?
2. “Dharma & Greg” (8:30 p.m. Wednesdays, ABC): A sweet couple, a cute show, the best new comedy of the year. Jenna Elfman (Dharma) will be the break-out star of the season.
3. “Players” (8 p.m. Fridays, NBC): Ice-T brings street credibility to this interesting take on a crime show. He and two others are ex-cons who are paroled to use their devious minds to catch bad guys. It’s from Dick Wolf, one of the best producers around.
4. “Veronica’s Closet” (9:30 p.m. Thursdays, NBC): The best show between “Seinfeld” and 10 p.m. since “Frasier.” Finally, a must-see show in a must-watch slot.
5. “George & Leo” (9:30 p.m. Mondays, CBS): I’ve always been told to respect my elders. Judd Hirsch and Bob Newhart are not only old, they have the chops to carry a show on their own, let alone together.
Newhart is not only as funny as ever, he still looks the same.