Letting Go Makes Room For New Start

Dear Nancy: After being together for three years, my boyfriend recently left me with no explanation. Shortly after he left, I began having this recurring nightmare; I’ve had it at least 20 times. The violence in the dream disturbs me greatly. I’m not a violent person and would never consider hurting another human being. Although I am confused and angry, I still love him and wouldn’t want to hurt him. Each time I have this dream I wake up crying and feeling horrible. - Beth

I am with a woman who has black hair and dark eyes. We are in a dark, suffocating room. The only light is a spotlight shining on us from above. She hands me a gun and says I must kill my ex-boyfriend. At that moment another spotlight turns on and he is standing in front of me.

Sometimes he tells me that I must kill him, and the woman never stops chanting, “You must kill him.” The words echo all around and it feels like a million voices yelling. I finally succumb to the power of the sound and fire the gun. The words stop, but I know I didn’t kill him; I only wounded him, and he’ll recover.

Dear Beth: I can understand why you are so disturbed by this dream, especially being a non-violent person.

We all have a dark and light side within us. The shadow (dark) often occurs in dreams. People sometimes mistake it for negativity or evil since it looks that way on the surface. But the shadow aspect is most often the part of us we don’t want to face and would rather keep hidden.

The dark woman in your dream is probably your shadow side, and the dark room might be the dark part of your psyche. There’s light enough to see the situation.

The voices telling you to kill him are all around you, and he even speaks to you. On the telephone you said your friends are encouraging you to just forget him. The voices in the dream could be echoes of that advice.

Your reluctance to let him go is shown by your hesitation to shoot him. His death within your psyche would allow you to stop feeling so tormented and troubled with the situation. Firing the gun brings you release and stops the tormenting voices. Eliminating him is the process of letting go of him.

Dreams often show us our pain and anger. Scenes such as this can point out our repressed hostility. He left you without explanation, how could you not be angry?

Perhaps you could vent your anger towards him in a letter (sent or not), or in a safe environment with a friend or counselor.

These are trying times for you, Beth. I hope you seek support for yourself. Releasing what needs to be released always makes room for the new to unfold.

Have you received a dream that contained direct advice or guidance? Please send them to me, I would love to share them in this column.

This column is intended as entertainment. But psychologists who work with clients’ dreams say dreams can hold a tremendous amount of significance; a particularly disturbing or repetitive dream may indicate the need to see a therapist.

, DataTimes MEMO: Nancy Huseby Bloom has studied dreams for 18 years. Dreams may be sent to her c/o The Spokesman-Review, P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210-1615, or fax, (509) 459-5098. Please send a short summary of the circumstances in your life and include your name, address and phone number. Nancy conducts dream groups on a regular basis. For information, call 455-3450.