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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Cheap Seats

Like a lube job

Funny car driver Cruz Pedregon, while in a hospital for an emergency appendectomy: “When I was laying on the surgery bed I told the doctor, ‘Fix whatever you have to, but I’m going to be driving 300 mph on Friday.’ He thought I was nuts.”’

Um, Cruz, you are nuts.

You better be good

Memories of Christmas 1997: chestnuts roasting on an open fire, stockings hung by the chimney with care and Tiger Woods golfing on television with big names.

CBS will air “Tiger and Friends,” a charity scramble pitting the 21-year-old Masters Tournament champion against Chicago Bulls superstar Michael Jordan, Seattle Mariners center fielder Ken Griffey Jr. and actor Kevin Costner.

The show, which will air Dec. 25 from 2-4 p.m. Eastern time, will be shot at the Isleworth Country Club in Orlando, Fla., where Woods and Griffey have homes. The $450,000 purse will go to charity.

Even though Woods shot a course-record 59 at Isleworth during his preparations for this year’s Masters, the celebrities will have a chance to even the competition: They’ll get to remove one club from Woods’ bag after each hole he wins, excluding his putter. Jordan’s handicap is between four and eight strokes, Griffey’s between eight and 10 and Costner’s between 12 and 15.

Junior should be ready. He has a lot of practice on his golf swing during the playoffs.

NBA’s cuckoo Bird

Wanted: Talented basketball players with criminal records, checkered pasts and eccentric personalities.

Call Larry Bird, first-year coach of the Indiana Pacers.

“Give me the young guys that they’re having trouble with,” Bird said in the November issue of Esquire magazine. “I’d like to have ‘em. Give me some of these guys and see what I can do with them.”

He’s referring specifically to Philadelphia 76ers point guard Allen Iverson, who was arrested in a car that was approaching 100 mph on a Virginia highway.

“Iverson and them guys, they’re basically good guys,” Bird was quoted as saying. “They know right from wrong, and they want to be great players.”

Looking out for No. 1

Thousands of fans stormed the field in the closing seconds of LSU’s 28-21 victory Saturday night over No.1 Florida, tearing down the goal posts, tearing up the turf and otherwise snagging souvenirs and celebrating the school’s first win over a No. 1-ranked team in its 104-year history.

The celebration started before the team left the field. Coach Gerry DiNardo said he was not concerned about his players, however.

“I wasn’t worried about the players’ safety,” DiNardo said. “I was worried about mine. They’re the ones with the equipment on.”

Speaking from experience

How is a Bears football game like a teenager’s haircut?” asks Bernie Lincicome of the Chicago Tribune. “You know it is going to be bad, you just don’t know how bad until you see it.”

The last word …

“This is the greatest day for Cleveland sports fans since the invention of the polyester bowling shirt.”

- Jay Leno, host of the Tonight Show, after the Indians eliminated the Yankees in the first round of the baseball playoffs.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo