The Moral Of The Story: Never Offer To Do Dishes

Here’s the friend’s version:

John F. Kennedy Jr. and wife Carolyn Bessette were sharing a quiet dinner at home before he left for India earlier this month.

He said, “Don’t get up, honey, I’ll do the dishes,” or something to that effect, then proceeded to open a deep gash between his thumb and forefinger while rinsing silverware.

Thinking, “Hey, no big deal,” Junior wrapped the wound himself and left for India the next day. Problems ensued, and he underwent minor surgery when he got home.

The tabs, smelling blood, naturally reported the injury occurred during a marital spat.

John-John kept quiet, the friend says, because “if he responded to every inquiry - about the state of his marriage, about his dog, about why he’s wearing a hat - he would never have time for anything else.”

Loose talk

Bryant Gumbel, trying to convince TV Guide he’s really a nice guy: “I’m the practical joker on the set, the guy who puts in buck teeth and jumps out of a doorway and scares people, or takes a dead mouse and puts it in a box and presents it to them as a gift. That’s who I am.”

Wonder if he’s still searching for that Holy Grail

John Cleese turns 58 today.

Let’s hope she also quit embezzling money

The shower curtain parts. The knife descends. The blood swirls down the drain.

That scary scene in “Psycho” left Alfred Hitchcock’s leading lady, Janet Leigh, a bath enthusiast for life.

“I suddenly said to myself, ‘My God, we’re so vulnerable and defenseless in the shower,”’ the 70-year-old actress says. “You can’t hear because the water’s running. You can’t see. You’re there and you’re easy picking.”

Leigh hasn’t taken a shower since madman Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins) attacked her 37 years ago.

But seriously, folks…

Richard Gere took his current love interest, Carey Lowell of TV’s “Law & Order,” to the Big Apple premiere of his new movie, “Red Corner.”

Said he: “It’s a serious relationship because she’s a serious person.”

Said she: “We’re having serious fun.”

Suppose her ensemble will include ‘Red Garters’?

Rosemary Clooney will wed longtime companion Dante Di Paolo next month. Bob Hope, Tony Bennett, Linda Ronstadt and Debbie Boone are expected.

Di Paolo, 72, and Clooney, 69, have lived together since 1973. They met when he was the dance instructor for the singer-actress on the set of “Here Come the Girls” in the 1950s. It’s the second marriage for both.

Blessed are the Peacemakers, after all

Meanwhile, Rosemary’s nephew George Clooney is reportedly resisting efforts of People to anoint him its new “sexiest man alive.”

He won’t be interviewed or pose for pix. The mag is supposedly pressing on without him.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 2 Photos

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Compiled by staff writer Michael Guilfoil