Decide Together What To Teach

Dear Ann Landers: My niece and I have been very close since she was a little girl. “Edith” is the type who doesn’t mind discussing intimate details of her life, and I’ve always been a good listener. She is also bull-headed and never considers the possibility that she may be wrong.

Last week, Edith and her husband, “Alfred,” celebrated their second wedding anniversary, and she decided it was time she went off the pill. Both of them feel it’s the right time to start a family. Now, however, they are encountering a problem they did not anticipate.

Edith is Catholic, and Alfred is Jewish. They decided before marriage that they would bring up their children in both religions and let the kids decide for themselves which to follow when they are older. I did not say it to them, but I disagree with this philosophy. I believe children need a strong religious structure when they are growing up; otherwise, they become confused and spend a lot of time searching for their religious identity.

A few days ago, Edith cried to me that Alfred is trying to change their agreement. He says if they have a son, he wants the boy to be brought up Jewish. If they have a girl, however, he would agree to have her raised Catholic.

I am finding it hard to keep my mouth shut, but I see trouble ahead if Edith says “OK” to this plan. Neither Edith nor Alfred has been particularly interested in religion before, but now, they seem obsessed with it. What do you think is the best way to resolve the impasse? - Auntie Pasto

Dear Auntie: I have dealt with this problem before, but perhaps you missed it, so we’ll run through it again. Edith and Alfred need to learn more about both the Jewish religion and the Catholic faith. They can then decide together how they want to raise their children. I agree with you - it should be one or the other.

Letting children decide for themselves “when they get older” is not a good idea. I suggest your niece and her husband talk with a priest and a rabbi, ask for some reading material and attend a few religious services of each faith. They will then be able to make an informed decision.

Dear Ann Landers: I am a working quadriplegic. The other day, I was sitting in my wheelchair near a handicapped parking spot when two women walked by. One said in a tone of voice that indicated she was really annoyed, “Look at this - nine handicapped spaces and only three cars are parked there. What a waste!”

Many able-bodied people resent seeing these open spaces. The problem isn’t too much space, Ann. It’s that not enough handicapped people can get to these spaces. With 70 percent unemployment among the handicapped and limited public and private transportation, it’s no wonder so many of those spaces stay empty.

I am lucky to be able to drive myself around, but most disabled people are not so fortunate. The next time you see empty handicapped parking spots, think of all the people in this country who are still out of the mainstream. I’ll know we’ve made it when I have as hard a time finding a parking spot as everyone else. - Mark in New Jersey

Dear New Jersey: You’ve made an excellent point. Having served on the board of the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago for several years, I can tell you that the record for productivity of handicapped workers is extremely good.

If business and industry will give them the chance, they will discover that many physically challenged workers can outproduce the able-bodied employees and their absentee records are lower.