The Slice Can’t Worm Out Of This

You’re not a real Northwesterner unless you have a favorite variety of apple and can defend your choice.

“Caramel apple” doesn’t count.

Slice answer: Kellogg’s Marvin Lake thinks he might have the area’s messiest garage. He said it has only about three places where it is possible to put both feet down at the same time. And once when he was fixing a bike for a little neighbor girl, she looked inside it and volunteered an opinion. She said: “Basically, your garage is a mess.”

Lake didn’t argue the point.

Things you can do if you are bored:

1. Take a hard look at your own creativity and examine your ability to discover stimulating people and pursuits.

2. Turn your ennui into full-fledged performance art.

3. Blame Spokane.

Family values: Holly Hope was volunteering in a second-grade class at Wilson Elementary. She was reading with a boy named Peter. They came upon the word “brother,” and Peter couldn’t recognize it. So Hope gave him a clue. “What is Graham (his sibling) to you?”

Peter thought about it for a moment. Then he answered. “He’s my ENEMY.”

Shiny, happy people: “Each and every time we shop in Spokane we are surprised and delighted by the friendly, courteous service we receive.” - Bill McIntyre, Creston

Possible explanations for why your Slice submission didn’t get used:

1. You didn’t pass along your phone number. (If you don’t want us to print your name, that’s fine. But we’ve got to have that phone number so we can contact you.)

2. Subject matter in questionable taste. (This from the folks who brought you Tales of Vomiting and Birds Bombed My Head.)

3. Subject matter would be more appropriately handled elsewhere. (It was boring.)

4. You come across as a lunatic. (Takes one to know one.)

5. We ran out of space, but your letter is still in our files. (Honest.)

True colors: Keri Yirak bought an outfit not long ago that she soon decided she couldn’t wear.

The problem? It was green and yellow, and reminded her too much of her school colors from her days at Shadle Park High School. (She liked going to SPHS, but who wants to relive “Spirit Day” forever?)

She’s lucky she isn’t a North Central graduate. Half her wardrobe is red and black.

Today’s Slice question (end of summer rerun): What is the Spokane area’s most heavily armed neighborhood?

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Drawing

MEMO: The Slice appears Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. We received plenty of nominations for the title “The Inland Northwest’s best-looking farmer.” Stay tuned.