Conspiring Third Party Can Lead To Disaster
In the name of friendship great acts have been performed, acts of unselfishness, bravery, kindness and love. Also in the name of friendship, some really nasty stuff has gone down. Here are some tales about the latter:
Gayle: “This happened in 1973 and it still hurts. Allen and I met at a dance and were inseparable for months afterward. My girlfriend Renee had gone to the dance with me that night, so she met him, too. I fell in love with him very quickly, and I believed that the feeling was mutual. Then, suddenly out of the blue, and for no apparent reason, he abruptly said, over the phone, ‘Let’s cool it.’ His meaning was clear. I was devastated. Renee displayed great sympathy.
“I never saw him again. That is, not until seven years later when we met, more or less by chance. He came over to my house. By now, my feelings had cooled enough for me to be able to ask, without my pride getting in the way, ‘Why, Allen? Why did you break up with me?’ He calmly replied, ‘Because Renee told me you were a lesbian and that you and she were lovers.’ I was shocked and said incredulously, ‘And you believed her?’ ‘Yes,’ he said. I told him that it wasn’t true.
“And then I related the reason Renee, and I stopped being friends shortly after he dumped me. She made a pass at me, a serious physical one, and then suggested that we get ‘married,’ assuring me that she’d let me run her house without interference, and that she’d support me in elegant style. So now it was clear. She’d schemed to break Allen and me up because she’d been suffering from two kinds of jealousy: She was jealous of me as a woman might be, and also as a lover might be. Even though Allen believed my story, after seven years it was too late for him to make amends or rekindle a long dead fire.”
Robert: “I had been dating Susan for six months. We were in love and very happy together. My best friend Steve and Susan always got along well, which made me really happy. The three of us often hung out together. Because Steve knew me so well, he knew exactly what I liked and didn’t like in women. He slowly began to point out to me all the little things about Susan that I would have found undesirable in a woman, if I weren’t in love with her. He would mention that she could be a little clingy at times. That she tended to wear more makeup than I usually preferred on my dates. That she didn’t seem all that committed to her job. That her relationship with her parents was a little shaky. Not a good sign. She seemed to have a lot of ex-boyfriends. Was she promiscuous? I didn’t see it at the time, but he was playing Iago to my stupid Othello, whispering all these derogatory things in my ear.
“Well, I’m ashamed to say it, but it worked. I began to see Susan in a new and unflattering light. It meant a lot to me that these things were coming from Steve, first because he was my best friend, and second because he always seemed to like Susan so much. I thought of him as an impartial judge. Based on the things Steve pointed out to me, I began to pick on Susan. Pick, pick, pick until finally, she broke up with me. I was secretly glad, it took the burden for the breakup off of me and put it on her.
“A short time later, Steve started dating a young lady and had less time for me. He really didn’t want the three of us to hang out together, he enjoyed being with her alone. So, and here’s where the story gets really sickening, he started saying what a great girl Susan had been, and how come I didn’t call her and start seeing her again? That was when the whole thing fell into place. I realized Steve had nothing against Susan. There was nothing to have against her; she was a great girl. He was just jealous because he didn’t have anyone and didn’t want me to have anyone either. What a selfish jerk.”