Aggressive Behavior A Sign Of Sibling Rivalry
Q. What is the best method of dealing with a 2-year-old’s aggressive actions toward a baby sibling? My daughter will “kiss” her sister until she leaves tooth marks on her forehead. She doesn’t behave inappropriately toward other children. She’s in a weekly play group and goes to the church nursery at least once a week and loves both situations. However, she also scratched me in the face, for no apparent reason the other day. I usually give her “time-out” and it recently extended over a two-hour period because every time I went into the room to talk to her and have her admit wrongdoing, she refused. She has cooperated in the past; this obstinate behavior has just begun. Am I expecting too much for a 2-year-old? Is she just experimenting with actions that she doesn’t understand the ramifications of? I don’t want to raise an aggressive child by ignoring this.
A. Your daughter’s actions toward her sister reflect the normal love-hate relationship all siblings tend to feel toward one another.
Your assignment is to supervise your daughter’s attentions to her young sister. Knowing sibling rivalry is an inevitable part of life will help you realize your daughter’s affections may easily turn to hostility.
Two-year-olds are under the control of their impulses. They’re unable to keep their aggressive impulses in check, and need the restraining presence of a parent.
Don’t encourage sisterly kisses or hugs. It’s wiser to prevent problems than to think they won’t occur. Kids have mixed feelings toward parents as well. Their feelings shift from love to hate in a moment’s time. Our strongest emotions are always inspired by those we love the most.
Stop your daughter when she approaches you aggressively. Tell her, “I will not allow you to hurt me.”
Don’t expect her to be able to admit or apologize for her wrongdoing. An admission of guilt or an apology is too much to expect, and unnecessary in teaching the rule of no hitting.
Limit time out to no more than five minutes.
A good guideline is to keep her in isolation for one minute for each year of her age. Two hours is unreasonable and unwise.
A brief period of isolation is a reminder that not hurting others is a very important rule.
Q. I have been divorced from the father of my 7-year-old son for three years. During this time he has rarely visited his son, though he does send child support.
He lives in another part of the state but visits his parents, who still live here. When he visits his parents, he calls me to see his son.
Sometimes his parents contact me to see if they can pick up my son so his dad can see him.
These visits really upset me. They upset my son, too, because after every visit he begins to think he is going to see his father on a regular basis, but that never happens. His dad makes promises to come back soon, and my son thinks that’s going to be next week.
Why should I make special arrangements when my ex is passing through town when he has made no effort to visit regularly at all? What is your opinion about visits from on-again, off-again fathers?
A. Your son needs to keep in touch with his father regardless of how irregular their visits are. Your son benefits from your support of his opportunities to spend time with his father.
Kids need to form an idea of a parent they seldom see, even if that parent is not dependable and makes promises he doesn’t keep. Let your son evaluate his father’s actions.
It’s also a good idea to encourage regular visits between your son and his father’s parents. Grandparents can be very helpful in providing love, as well as a link to a parent who is seldom around.
Kids need all the love family members can offer.
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The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Cathleen Brown The Spokesman-Review