Life Is Not A Nike Commercial
Dear Cheryl: In a recent column, you made reference to “the dangerous 17-year buyout.” What does that refer to? My husband of 16 years doesn’t think he wants to be married to me anymore. He says “something just died inside.” This seems to have come out of the blue. - Hoping to Make It to 17
Dear Hoping: You’re living through dangerous times. There’s something about that 17th anniversary that gives people itchy feet. Let’s assume most people get married between 22 and 32. When the 17th anniversary rolls around they’re young enough to look good and feel good, but old enough to know nothing lasts forever. If they’re ever going to have the excitement of a fresh relationship, they better act now, even if it means destroying a perfectly good marriage and breaking their kids’ hearts. Life is not a Nike commercial. “Just do it” just doesn’t do it in this case.
Dear Cheryl: “My husband and I have been married one and a half years. We have sex at least twice a day. I thought we were normal. After reading your articles I’m not so sure. Are we normal or nymphomaniacs? By the way, I am 31, my husband is 30.” - Busy
Dear Busy: I wouldn’t call you normal or nymphomaniacs, I’d call you lucky. If you have time, please write me in a year and let me know your batting average.
Dear Cheryl: I’m 26 and have been dating a man who is 35 for just over a year. We have a wonderful time together. He is one of the funniest, nicest, most genuine people I have ever met, and I love having him in my life. The issue is the dreaded “L” word. About six months ago, I told him I loved him. He didn’t say anything back. I asked him about it later and he said the last time he told someone he loved them it wrecked the relationship and he doesn’t want anything to ruin ours. I said I hoped there would come a point when he could vocalize some feeling for me. So now I’m wondering, maybe he’s not telling me because he doesn’t feel that way. He says he definitely sees me in his long-term future. I’ve met his family, his friends, etc. However, I am genuinely confused. At this point, I just want to know how he feels about me. Am I placing too much value on words? - Loved to Hear Love
Dear Love: This man l-l-l-loves you, he just can’t say it. Everything you say about him and how he treats you indicates that. To some guys, saying “I love you” is equal to saying “Will you marry me?” Until he’s ready to say the “M” word, he’s probably not going to say the “L” word. Now I have a question for you. You’re 26, you’ve been dating this guy for over a year, you obviously want to marry him: How long are you going to hang in there without a commitment? If I were you, I’d rather hear the “C” word than the “L” word.
After 10 years of writing “Tales from the Front,” the popular relationship column that lets people tell their own stories - from dating disasters to happy-ever-afters - Cheryl Lavin is expanding into the advice arena.
Periodically, “Tales from the Front” will appear in question-and-answer format, with Lavin answering readers’ queries about their relationships and their lives.
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