Let Daughter Take Action

Dear Ann Landers: I knew when our daughter went off to college, she would face many challenges, but I never anticipated what actually happened. Her roommate has had a guest sleeping over several times since classes began. No, it’s not her boyfriend. It’s her mother.

It is dorm policy that same-sex guests can stay in the room on a cot for up to three nights in a row. This girl’s mother has stayed for several days at a time. The room is tiny, and my daughter’s bed is up against the sink. I can’t imagine what it’s like with a cot in there. What should I do? - Ticked Off in Texas

Dear Ticked: Stay out of it, Mom. When your daughter gets really fed up, she’ll complain to the dorm supervisor, who will take appropriate action.

Dear Ann Landers: How does one respond to insensitive questions without appearing equally insensitive?

I was recently dining alone in a restaurant when I noticed a man watching me. He finally came over to my table and told me that my hands were shaking and that I definitely had some kind of anxiety disorder. He went on to say he was a medical student and that I should consider psychiatric treatment.

After I overcame my shock at his unmitigated gall, I told him I have a neurological disorder and am being treated by a competent neurologist. The medication I am taking for my tremor helps a lot, but it cannot control the shaking totally.

This moron continued to insist that I relax - that I didn’t need to be nervous around him. Finally, my appetite ruined, I got up and left the restaurant. Afterward, I regretted that I hadn’t managed to “accidentally” spill my soup on him.

I am not a nervous person, and the shaking cannot be helped. It doesn’t do my morale any good when people embarrass me the way that young man did. I don’t know what I could have said without being rude. Any suggestions? - Simmering in Seattle Dear Seattle: That medical student was presumptuous, arrogant and way out of line. All you needed to say was: “You should not be diagnosing strangers in restaurants when you have no knowledge of their medical history” and gone back to your soup. If he continued, you should have notified the manager.

Dear Ann Landers: Thirteen years ago, when our children were 13 and 14, my husband informed me that he no longer wanted the responsibility of a family. He said I had been a wonderful wife and then took off.

During our marriage, I had done all the things that were expected of a wife and mother, plus I made all the family clothes and did a lot of painting and wallpapering. Although he never made much money, I told my husband how much I appreciated being able to be at home and take care of him and our children.

Ann, please tell these women who complain about how hard they “work at home” that it’s a jungle out there in the business world. I have struggled these past 13 years to finish raising my two children (who are wonderful adults) and am now working on the “outside.” Believe me, I would give anything if I could just stay at home and do the cleaning, cooking and laundry again. - Santa Barbara

Dear Santa Barbara: If your children turned out to be “wonderful adults,” you did your job well. I hope they continue to give you pleasure. Sounds as if your husband missed out on what could have been the most rewarding part of his life.