Cheap Seats
Just more psycho-babble
Joe Niednagel, the psychological adviser of the Phoenix Suns, has determined that Atlanta’s Dikembe Mutombo is the only player in the NBA to have a brain type labeled “INTP.”
This is the most intellectual brain type, the one possessed by Albert Einstein.
The Zaire-born Mutombo, who speaks five languages and several African dialects, was asked about the Einstein comparison.
“Who is he? Was he ever in Congo?” Mutombo asked.
Shaq attacked
Sometimes stardom has its tradeoffs. Take Los Angeles Lakers center and movie star wannabe Shaquille O’Neal, for instance.
The L.A. giant can’t even suffer from an injury without suffering at the mighty pen of the nation’s scribes.
Writes Steve Rosenbloom of the Chicago Tribune on Shaq’s battles with injuries the past couple of years: “How come you’re always too hurt to play, but always healthy enough to make bad movies?”
This isn’t a game for kids anymore
New Jersey center Jayson Williams on the Nets’ improvement: “This ain’t like the old days, when you hear on the public address, ‘Will the lady who lost her five kids come and get them? They’re beating the Nets.”’
Call them the Baltimore Pterodactyls
After signing Joe Carter (37 years old), Doug Drabek (35) and Norm Charlton (35), the Baltimore Orioles have eight players 35 or older.
In Baltimore, they say the ballpark now will be called “Jurassic Park at Camden Yards.”
Get that man a straitjacket
Phil Collier of the San Diego Union-Tribune recalled that New York Mets broadcaster Ralph Kiner was doing a game at Chicago’s Wrigley Field when a batter was called out on a questionable 3-and-2 pitch.
“That kind of makes you want to commit hari-kari,” commented broadcast partner Rusty Staub.
Kiner replied: “Yes, and he’s right next door.”
Sometimes wives ask the dumbest questions
From the Vent column of readers’ responses in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution: “My wife asked me if I loved her more than basketball. I said, ‘College or NBA?”’
Trying to replace a legend
Greg Cote in the Miami Herald: “Aiming to find a new coach with similar personality and verve, (Nebraska) officials announce they will replace Tom Osborne with a cardboard cutout of Tom Osborne.”
We think the cutout would have more personality.
They’ll need a ticket, too
From The Good Doctor in Inside Sports magazine: Question: “Do you believe that the Denver Broncos will be able to get to the Super Bowl?”
Answer: “Yes, if the airport is open.”
The last word …
“You can be stupid once, but idiotic to do it again. I’ll settle for being stupid.”
- St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony La Russa declining to repeat last year’s guarantee of winning a division title.
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo