Oh Sure, They’re Cute Now, But Wait

Don’t you just love young parents? They’re so…cute.

Young parents, or should I say parents of young children, are the happiest, freshest-faced people on earth, except when they are sleep-deprived, overworked zombies who have just contracted a case of sniffles from their 4-year-olds.

Still, more often than not, young parents are as bright-eyed and enthusiastic as their own kindergartners.

That’s because they don’t know what’s coming.

This is the way it ought to be, because if they knew what was coming they would give away all of their belongings to charity - although it’s hard to find a charity that will take a 2-year-old, much less give a receipt for tax purposes - and then join a cult that requires complete chastity and a thorough knowledge of Star Trek trivia.

My wife and I, who qualify as “old parents” - that is, parents of teenagers - ran across two outstanding young-parent specimens on Christmas Day. We were out for a walk and here they came, late-20-somethings with two darling kids in tow. They had purchased charming little kids’ backpacks for their 4-year-old and their 5-year-old, and they were off on a big family march through the park. The kids even had their brand new sleeping bags strapped to the packs. We stopped and talked and admired their excellent choice of Christmas presents, and envied the family fun they were having (our children, of course, having chosen to stay home and play video games rather than enjoy a big family march through the park).

As we walked along afterward, I said to Carol, “That is so great, buying those kids little backpacks for Christmas.”

“Yes,” she said. “They can go off on big hiking trips in the mountains together, and the kids will be so proud to carry their own belongings.”

I thought about this for a moment and said, “Yes, although, when they start getting tired, I suppose the parents could carry the sleeping bags themselves.”

She pondered this and said, “And maybe later they could just strap those little packs onto their packs, because after a few miles, those kids might be dragging.”

“Well,” I said, “if they remember to bring some M&Ms they could probably bribe them down the trail for another mile or two until the whining gets too bad.”

“Yes,” she said. “That always works for a few minutes.”

“And then, after that, they could each carry a kid on their shoulders for the last 10 miles, although do you remember how that feels on the neck muscles?” I said. “Especially when they fall asleep and get limp? I haven’t been able to hold my head exactly straight since 1985.”

We got silent for a while as we walked on.

“Words cannot convey how much I envy those parents,” I said.

“Me too,” said Carol.

The fact is, we both found it hard not to get sentimental about young parenthood over the Christmas season, because Christmas is decidedly less magical for old parents. Young parents on Christmas hear squeals of delight, heartfelt expressions of gratitude toward Santa, and high-pitched versions of “Silent Night,” sung to a favorite doll.

Old parents hear, “Is the mall open today? So I can return this?” and “You mean I can’t go out tonight, just because it’s Christmas?” and “No, you guys go ahead and sing carols. I’m in the middle of ‘Duke Nukem.”’

This lies in the future, too, for these fresh-faced young parents. This is what young parents SHOULD worry about, but thank goodness they don’t. Instead, they waste their energy worrying about exactly the wrong things, such as whether their children are having too much fun.

“Bobby!” they shout, when Bobby is having too much fun. “Settle down! You might bother someone!”

Nope. Doesn’t bother me. As an old parent, nothing makes me happier than the sight of children having fun. The only thing I enjoy more is seeing young, proud parents putting aside their numerous reasons to worry and reveling in the sheer joy of a jaunt through the park with a pair of kids wearing backpacks.

Don’t you just love young parents? They’re so … unsuspecting.

, DataTimes MEMO: To leave a message on Jim Kershner’s voice-mail, call 459-5493. Or send e-mail to jimk@spokesman.com, or regular mail to Spokesman-Review, P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210.

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Jim Kershner The Spokesman-Review