Bottom Lines A Satirical Look At Topics In The News

Let’s get one thing straight: Executions are our job

The federal government has posted a 24-hour guard on Theodore Kaczynski. They’re afraid he will kill himself, which is clearly a job that should be left to qualified death penalty professionals.

Kaczynski is only slightly more nuts than most lawyers

Why not let Kaczynski defend himself? It would be entertaining, although I think it would be a bad idea to let him enter any “exhibits” into the record, especially if they are in envelopes.

Yes, Virginia, there is a sanity clause

Let me try to explain the defense lawyers’ dilemma over the insanity defense: The only clients who let you use it are sane.

The prosecution wants him sentenced according to formula

Speaking of sentences, the state wants to put Tom DiBartolo away for 50 years, or, one year for every girlfriend.

If he says a certain word, will they have a three-second delay?

Mark Fuhrman has been hired for a weekly gig on a Spokane radio talk show. The show will focus on his area of expertise: crime, which includes, of course, perjury.

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MEMO: Bottom Lines is Jim Kershner’s look at issues in the news. The views are the writer’s.