Nixon Walked On The Moon With Cher, Right?

The Palestinians and the Israelites fought over a pig in North Africa in order to earn money for the civil rights movement? President Hoover sailed over a water gate singing Yankee Doodle Dandy on Nov. 11 at 11 a.m.? Colonel Mustard with the revolver in the study?

Dates, presidents, war, armies, religion. Territories, alliances, treaties.

Memorize! Memorize! Memorize!!

Sometimes the pressures of history class can be overwhelming.

Remembering who did what with whom and all of the details in between is a task I cannot do.

I think the problem started in the fourth grade when I learned the cute little ditty: “In fourteen hundred ninety two Columbus sailed the ocean blue.” We recited that darn poem at least 20 times a day until it was time for the test. The question read: “Who was the courageous man who discovered America and in which year did he make his discovery?” Yes, I knew the answer - Columbus, 1492.

In recent years, however, the great gurus of history have decided that Columbus didn’t discover America and that he was a terrible man. Go figure. The one historical “fact” I could remember: null and void.

Then there was geography class. We spent a whole semester learning how to draw a map of the Eastern Hemisphere.

Russia, Yugoslavia, Czechoslovakia - it was so much easier back then. But now everything has changed.

Once again, a whole semester of work null and void.

So, my question becomes: What does a bunch of dead guys have to do with me?

Why should I take social studies classes if the information is just going to change in a couple of years? Why couldn’t I instead take only drama and choir classes? Then I can have fun and learn all I need to know so that I can star on Broadway.

I could have my name in lights. People for centuries would remember my name, me as one of the greatest Broadway stars ever. I would be the George Washington of the stage. Like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, I would go down in … history.