Cheap Seats

Being No. 2 doesn’t bring any benefits

On the Friday after Michigan’s 21-16 victory over Washington State in the Rose Bowl, customers lined up in downtown Ann Arbor, Mich., to buy national championship merchandise.

As soon as one store opened, fans were snapping up T-shirts, sweat shirts and caps faster than clerks could unpack the items.

Michigan was voted No. 1 in The Associated Press poll, but only second to Nebraska in the USA Today/ ESPN Coaches poll.

No word on whether the Michigan fans got the duds for half price because of the split title.

Nightmare on Picabo Street

Tom Fitzgerald of the San Francisco Chronicle quotes a reader as saying, “Glad to see the skier Picabo Street is back on the slopes after one year out with a knee injury.

“I always fear that she will be seriously hurt and placed in the intensive care unit. My fear, actually, is the headline that will result: ‘Picabo? ICU.”’

Time to put cotton in our ears

We should have known it was going to be a long day at the Cotton Bowl when CBS announcer Gus Johnson said during the opening play: “There’s a short kickoff taken at the goal line.”

Put me in coach, I’m ready to play

From Mark Kreidler of ESPN SportsZone: “In what could be a sign that Clarence Weatherspoon’s stock has declined somewhat in Philadelphia, 76ers coach Larry Brown said he did not play Weatherspoon in the first half of a game against Miami because he … well, forgot.”

Swinging at air

The Chicago Cubs will have Henry Rodriguez and Sammy Sosa in the middle of their lineup in 1998. Rodriguez struck out 149 times in 132 games last season, Sosa 174 times in 162 games.

Jim Armstrong of the Denver Post concludes: “The Windy City is going to be windier than ever next season.”

Time for Oak to elbow his way into spotlight

Peter Vecsey in the New York Post on whether Knicks forward Charles Oakley can help make up for Patrick Ewing’s absence: “At this stage of his career, it’s doubtful he can expand his selection of flagrant fouls.”

A proposal he’ll have to chew on

Even though Mike Tyson has been banned from boxing, the World Wrestling Federation wants him to referee in the Wrestlemania XIV pay-per-view show March 29 in Boston.

“The WWF is attempting to cut a deal through promoter Don King,” wrote Joe Knowles of the Chicago Tribune, “but they’re not sure if Tyson will bite.”

He could use some tips from Tyson

New Jersey’s Doug Gilmour apparently bit Chicago Blackhawks defenseman Eric Weinrich in the right hand during a recent game.

It could have been a lot worse. Said Weinrich: “He didn’t have his teeth in.”

The last word …

“I not only wanted to be A.J. Foyt, I wanted to be Marilyn Monroe.”

- J.T. Hayes, a former sprint-car and midget racer, on undergoing a sex change and becoming Terri O’Connell

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo