No Need To Fear Friday The 13th Has Been Maligned For Far Too Long; It’s Time We Update Our Attitude About This Coincidence Of Day And Date

Friday the 13th needs a makeover.

In this skeptical age, the supposedly jinxed day isn’t scary. It’s boring.

So maybe it’s time this quirk of the calendar got a new identity.

But before getting to that, let’s dispense once and for all with the notion that there’s some reason to approach this day with trepidation.

There are two simple reasons why it’s ridiculous to fear Friday the 13th.

For one thing, superstitions are absurd. Cracks in the sidewalk are just cracks in the sidewalk. End of discussion.

But if that’s not enough to convince you it’s insane to imagine there’s some bad-luck aura surrounding the day, consider this.

Each Friday the 13th has 364 equal partners.

Singling out one day for special status because it purportedly holds potential for misfortune is like declaring a national holiday if the sun comes up in the morning.

Face it. Bad stuff happens every day. It never stops.

Disc jockeys might not chirp, “Be careful out there today, it’s Thursday the 19th.”

But chances are, Thursday the 19th will offer plenty of reasons to get bummed out. Same goes with Saturday the 16th, Tuesday the 21st and, well, you get the idea.

OK, true tragedies don’t befall each of us relentlessly. Few could endure that.

But who can recall going through an entire 24 hours without experiencing brushes with rude people, inept service and exasperating machines?

Sure, annoying drivers and computer crashes aren’t supposed to get freaked out about on Friday the 13th. Because at last check, most of us appear to have survived the Friday the 13th that came and went one month ago.

So let’s forget about black cats and cracked mirrors. The real problem is called modern life.

Which brings us, at long last, to the point of all this.

Inasmuch as the traditional “Be afraid - be very afraid” view of Friday the 13th has pretty much run out of gas, why not observe the day in a way that makes more sense?

Just think. We could note the occasion in a manner that actually recognizes a relationship to real life. (And what could be more frightening than reality?) Here are half a dozen proposals.

1. “It Could Be Worse Day.” Each Friday the 13th, Americans would make a point of trying to take various indignities and irritations in stride.

“Boy, the guy who parked next to me really put a deep ding in my car door. But at least he didn’t steal my stereo.”

2. “Survivor Day.” This observance of Friday the 13th would be nothing less than a self-focused celebration of social stamina.

“My boss revels in pointless mind games, my husband smells bad and my kids have started hanging out with future felons. But hey, I’m still on my feet.”

3. “Ironic Detachment Day.” This would require people to demonstrate an ability to be vaguely amused by events that on other days might cause anger.

“You’re charging me 90 bucks for an oil change? Um, that’s interesting. Very interesting.”

4. “Accepting the Blame Day.” Instead of whining about “bad luck,” people would take a break from scapegoating on Friday the 13th and examine the possibility that they are responsible for much of their own misfortune.

“Maybe, just maybe, I got this speeding ticket not because of a fascist conspiracy in which I’m always getting hassled by the man but because I was doing 60 in a 30 mph zone.”

5. “Name Your Terror Day.” Each Friday the 13th, all of us would be allowed to shriek in horror at our own personally selected objects of fright.

For instance, if you are deep-down scared of women who wear way too much eye makeup you could let out a horrified yell when encountering same.

“Aiiiiiiieeeeeee!”

Or if TV news happy-talk fills you with fear and loathing, friends and family would be expected to understand why you were trembling as the lifelike anchors joshed with the weather guy.

6. “Get Real Day.” When encountering someone who expects you to think there’s something special about Friday the 13th, it would be your duty to set them straight.

“Hey pal, haven’t you been outside lately? EVERY day is scary.”

Well, those are just some off-the-cuff suggestions. Feel free to come up with your own ideas.

You’ve got ‘til November. That’s the next month with a Friday the 13th.

So have a nice day. With any luck, nobody else will mention that today is you know what.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Staff illustration by Molly Quinn