Cheap Seats

Throw in some fries

A Romanian soccer team recently dealt a player for 2 tons of meat.

Said Bob Kravitz of the Rocky Mountain News in Denver: “I’m wondering, could the Nuggets get a Quarter-Pounder with Cheese for Priest Lauderdale?”

So, was this meat chopped liver?

Get Billy’s jokes while you can

Billy Tubbs hadn’t been in an NCAA Tournament news conference since 1992. He didn’t disappoint in his return.

Tubbs kept ‘em laughing during his 15 minutes on the dais Thursday, talking about everything from his high-flying Texas Christian basketball team to the First Amendment.

A reporter got Tubbs going with the first question, when he wondered if the fifth-seeded Horned Frogs (27-5), who were preparing to play Florida State, had intentionally scored fewer points in their final half-dozen games in order to get ready for the slower-paced NCAA Tournament.

“That’s right,” Tubbs deadpanned. “We were just trying to get ready for the NCAA Tournament and we’re tired of people accusing us of running up the score.”

Editor’s note: Florida State 96, TCU 87.

Talk about popular demand

What would happen if they held an Olympics and nobody came?

A survey found that only 16 percent of Australians have definite plans to attend the 2000 Olympics.

The figure, representing 3 million people, is about half the level recorded soon after Sydney was selected as venue for the Olympics.

The Sweeney Sports Australia survey of 1,513 people in Australia’s largest cities found the number of people thinking of attending the games dropped from 59 percent in 1994 to 24 percent in December 1997.

The survey found the national figure for “definite goers” was 16 percent, down from 33 percent in 1994.

A new take on the old shell game

Peanuts sold at Florida Marlins spring training games in Melbourne, Fla., now come without a shell, and some fans complain the change is nutty.

“The reaction has been as you might expect,” said Roy Lake, in charge of concessions at Space Coast Stadium. “I’ve had comments that I’m tearing at the very fabric of American sports.”

One distributor told Lake the stadium is the only ballpark in the United States that doesn’t sell peanuts in shells.

“They ought to get rid of the hot dogs, too,” fan Walt McCormick said.

Why not? They’ve already dumped their best players.

But he wasn’t afraid to practice

Gene Sarazen, a golf legend at 96, on why he changed his name from Eugenio Saraceni after he saw it in newspapers as a young man: “It looked too much like a violin player.”

The last word …

“Even our local media couldn’t come because they couldn’t afford it and our pep squad had to draw straws.”

- South Alabama basketball coach Bob Weltlich, on his team’s long trip to Sacramento’s Arco Arena.