Will Reno Fund A Mentalist? For One Mere Dollar, The Amazing Kreskin Offers To Discern The Truth

Finally, a sure-fire way for independent counsel Kenneth W. Starr to quickly wrap up his investigation. The Amazing Kreskin has written Attorney General Janet Reno offering his “services as a mentalist” and his “innate ability” to “not only determine the feelings of those around myself but their actual thoughts.”

So for one dollar, Kreskin proposes to meet everyone involved, including Starr, and determine who’s telling the truth.

Starr’s inquiry “has gotten far out of control,” Kreskin says, and “we could end this debacle” without costing many more millions of dollars.

“I understand that the thoughts of the president are a national security issue and I will assure you of my strict confidence that any thoughts detected beyond the matters at hand will be kept a secret.” He signed it “ESPecially yours.”

Why didn’t somebody think of this years ago? Justice spokesman Bert Brandenburg said, “He knows our response.”