Cheap Seats

New currency

Will McDonough of the Boston Globe cited this remark by a talk-show caller in Boston, discussing reports that Patriots running back Dave Meggett has fathered five children by four women:

“Meggett’s face should be on the dollar bill because he’s really the father of our country.”

On choking and being choked

Kansas coach Roy Williams, apparently still shocked over the Jayhawks’ surprise loss to Rhode Island in the NCAA men’s basketball tournament, has received many calls of support from coaching colleagues.

Among those offering encouragement was Golden State’s P.J. Carlesimo. “He told me, ‘It could be a lot worse,”’ Williams said.

Nike Tour motto: Just Eat It

The Nike Tour may not have huge purses or national exposure, save for Casey Martin, but there are some great - and rather large - characters out there. Stiles Mitchell, a 6-foot-2, 270-pound rookie who has won his share of national long-drive contests, is aptly nicknamed “Big Daddy”; it appears he hasn’t missed many hot dog shacks at the turn. In the media guide, he lists food as one of his special interests. On course, he can play when he gets it going, as evidenced by the 68 he shot in the Nike Monterrey Open in Mexico. But he followed that with an 82, including a 44 on the back nine, so consistency is not his strong suit.

Then there’s Charlie Rymer, at 6-4, 240. He had a taste of life on the PGA Tour from 1995-97 and wants to find his way back. What he hasn’t lost, however, is his sense of humor. At the Nike Greater Austin Open two weeks ago, he was talking about his putter, which looks like a horseshoe and was put together in someone’s garage in Florida.

“It’s called the Perfect Putter,” said Rymer, “and when Jack Nicklaus saw me using it he laughed me off the putting green. Then his son Gary started using it, so now Jack’s going to buy the company.”

Rymer said it was difficult to play in Texas “because of all the great food they have here: barbecue, Mexican - it’s all fantastic. You can eat yourself crazy.”

No need, because his game is probably doing that to him. He was in the hunt in Austin before closing with an 83. He opened with a 68 in Mexico, then packed his bags after shooting 77.

Looking for some relief

Left-handed reliever Pedro Borbon Jr. has been frustrated by his slow comeback from a Tommy John-style elbow ligament transplant 18 months ago. He tore scar tissue in his arm during his first spring outing against hitters and has been slow to return. Exactly how frustrated is he?

“I’m about to go bungee-jumping without the bungee,” he said.

Wrong target?

Craig Kilborn of Comedy Central’s “The Daily Show” on two women suing Mike Tyson for sexual harassment: “The women deny they are gold diggers and they say, ‘If we wanted Mike Tyson’s money, we’d go after Don King.’ “

The last word …

“If us and the Mavericks got into the NCAA Tournament, neither one would be favored. We’d be, like, No. 3 seeds.”

- Houston’s Charles Barkley on the state of pro basketball in the state of Texas.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo