The rough road of self-improvement
The host of the seminar asked each of the participants to explain why they were there. Answers ranged from the expected to the mundane, except one. A 30-something man said, “I’m here because the road to self-improvement is always under construction.”
The man probably heard that line from somewhere, but it was original to me. More than that, it was remarkably refreshing. The comment signaled both a commitment to the journey of life and the vulnerability to admit frailty that I don’t see very often.
The need for instant gratification and the apparent certainty of just about everyone strikes me often when I read my mail and visit organizations. So many executives and workers want the perfect bottom line and an ethical wonderland without any investment. There seems to be little recognition that most success is born out of hard work and even failure.
Life’s journey is full of mountains and valleys, yet it is remarkable to me how many people think, or hope, they have experienced their last valley. Some people seem utterly shocked when they hit tough sledding for the 919th time. The best way to deal with those tough times is by growing and learning from the trials. Lessons from experience are gifts.
I have written before about the unnerving certainty found in workplaces. So many people in organizations, from top executives through the employee ranks, seem convinced they have all the answers despite evidence that economic performance, customer service and ethical integrity are taking serious hits. If those people and organizations see the need for self-improvement, their bluster often masks that need.
Yet the self-improvement section of libraries and bookstores continues to burst at the seams, so readers must feel the need to do something. Most self-improvement books today are short and easy-to-read and many titles indicate the prescription for self-improvement is simple, clear and concise. The books imply the formula for such improvement is easy to grasp.
None of that is true. Improving ourselves as bosses, employees, spouses and parents requires hard work, patience and a willingness to be vulnerable. As someone who has had more room for improvement than many, I think there are some key requirements if we’re gong to keep the road to self-improvement under construction.
Admit weaknesses rather than obsess about the failures of others. That’s not easy. Our self-image always outstrips reality. Reflection, distance and self-examination are crucial. We need to know what needs to be improved and we must desire improvement.
Take responsibility for getting better. Our happiness and accomplishments are controlled only by us. Searching for people to blame is futile and fruitless. That process makes us victims and it’s harder to succeed as a victim.
We need a personal mission. We need to stand for something. We need a mission that drives us to make a difference and we must believe that we can make a difference.
Relationships make us stronger and more effective. The manager of the Houston Astros, Phil Garner, held up a No. 2 pencil for his entire team to see. Then he snapped it in half. He then grasped 25 pencils (the number of players on a team) and showed that the 25 pencils could not be broken. No matter how corny you think that is, it remains true that a cohesive group is stronger than individuals.
Invest the time to study, listen to experts and entertain new ideas. Flexibility of the mind is essential to self-improvement.
Finally, admit the truth of the maxim — there is no finish line. You will never attain perfection, so just enjoy the ride.
Tip for your search
Self-improvement requires alone time and careful reflection. No matter if you call it prayer, quiet time, or calming yourself, the act of taking time out each day to think about bigger issues is essential to finding peace at work and at home.
Resource for your search
“Catch! A Fishmonger’s Guide to Greatness” by Cyndi Crother (Berrett-Koehler Publishers Inc., 2004).