‘Fat Albert’ bulges with confusing messages

Vintage cartoon character Fat Albert comes to the big screen with a resounding, “Hey, hey, hey.”

The results can be summed up in three words: “No, no, no.”

“Fat Albert” rumbles into theaters three years after its original release date. Actor-turned-director Forest Whitaker quit after creative clashes with Cosby – the film’s screenwriter, executive producer and bit player – and was replaced by Joel Zwick (“My Big Fat Greek Wedding”). The result is a dopey hybrid of broad comedy and broader self-help messages.

Albert (Kenan Thompson) and company enter reality to help a lonely high school girl, Doris (Kyla Pratt), who is sad because she lives in the social and athletic shadow of her track-running step-sister, Lauri (Dania Ramirez). With a little help from her new friends, Doris learns to believe in herself and wear skimpier outfits.

Albert and his pals also go through changes over the course of the story, becoming politically correct versions of their ‘toon selves. But they must retreat to the tube as they fade in appearance with each hour they spend on the outside. When they eventually portal back into the TV, their flaws return intact.

It’s unclear whether the film is telling viewers to keep it real or strive to evolve. If the movie is saying that the kids lose their luster as they surmount their shortcomings, why put Doris through the self-improvement paces?

With its chronic product placement, “Fat Albert” seems to center on helping kids become better shoppers rather than better people. Cosby’s mix of comedy and commentary had far more relevance when it wasn’t spiked with synergistic sales pitches.