The Slice: They’re belly friendly

Here are a dozen reasons Hawaiian shirts have become ubiquitous in Spokane.

12. They’re comfortable. (I own several and can attest to this.)

11. Wearing them is easier than having real style.

10. There’s something genuinely funny about an uptight, angry careerist draped in an outlandish floral pattern.

9. What does “ubiquitous” mean?

8. They help take the wearer’s mind off the Visa bill and the fact that the garbage disposal has stopped working.

7. They suggest a certain air of insouciance.

6. What does “insouciance” mean?

5. They say, “Hey World, I’m licked but I don’t want it to show.”

4. These shirts suggest a wide range of personality traits and attitudes that wearers believe are attractive.

3. They tend to be forgiving of belly bulge.

2. Denial is the best hedge against reality.

1. An avid aversion to maturity.

“Slice answer: “I don’t have a nickname for a messy shelf or drawer, but my husband and I have a corner in our bedroom where things always seem to pile up,” wrote Kori Gregg of Post Falls. “We call it the ‘Corner of Doom.’ ”

“Just wondering: Is there a cat in your neighborhood that appears to believe it is the sheriff?

“Five small worries:

1. Skateboarders on cell phones pose a hazard to pedestrians.

2. Is the idea of a Thai restaurant in the old home of The Shack evidence that the “Twilight Zone” theme is playing but we just can’t hear it?

3. Liberty Lake residents seem to know a secret handshake.

4. This is the time of year when you hear stories about stinging insects finding their way into bodily orifices.

5. Can a garage door be possessed?

“This date at Expo ‘74: Liberace.

“Complete this sentence: “My co-workers look to me for …”

A) Dynamic leadership. B) Hard candy. C). A telltale fake cough before calling in sick the next day. D). A reliable willingness to nod and agree with any and all complaints about management. E) Dilbert-esque performances in meetings. F) An absurdly self-important fondness for industry jargon. G) Operatic puppet shows. H) Eloquently derisive snorts within seconds of the latest morale-building e-mail from the big boss. I) The possibility that I might someday break the office record of 61 personal phone calls in one work shift. J) Spiritual guidance. K) Really, really bad ideas. L) Rambling dissertations on whatever it is I’m eating at my desk. M) Nostalgic stories about the drunks, gropers and grifters who used to work for our company. N) Financial advice. O) Uninformed speculation about the hidden agendas behind colleagues’ absences from work. P) Slanderous rumors. Q) Other.

“Today’s Slice question: What recent encounter with corporate America reminded you that sexism is alive and well in 2004?