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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

The town by any other name would still have its quirks



 (The Spokesman-Review)
Dave Oliveria The Spokesman-Review

Betcha didn’t know the town of Hauser’s name once was Mud. Literally. Sometimes, it was spelled with two D’s. Which wasn’t that much better than a third moniker: Sucker Lake. Old Man Corbin changed the town name a final time to honor his friend, Montana Gov. Samuel T. Hauser, after Corbin built a Northern Pacific Railroad branch line through what is now Hauser junction. I’m telling you this by way of introduction to the Hauser Times ( www.hauseridaho.org), edited by “Frum Helen Back” (Councilwoman D.J. Nall, editor/janitor of the old Hauser Thoughts). Frum Helen Back/D.J. sez she’s more subdued now that she’s working for the city and “feeling less troublesome.” In Edition 1, Volume 1, however, the playful editor ran a photo of Mayor Ed Peone under the headline, “This is what a good mayor looks like.” Below, she published a brief about the mayor’s Bloomsday run. Take it away, Helen: “It was after the cameras were gone, but he was spotted in his truck, crossing the finish line. We don’t know if he received a T-shirt for his accomplishment.” Now, that’s Huckleberries’ idea of how you should, ahem, “run” Bloomsday.

Bullwinkle’s Revenge

Doug Burr of North Idaho College has figured out how to catch the punks who are vandalizing CdA’s moose: “We (should somehow) decorate a real moose and tether it at various locations where the EXCEL moose are now located. When the vandals try to knock the real one over … the vandal problem is solved, and they get a no-expense-paid trip to the ER for medical treatment.” Why waste time with a big-city remedy like hidden cameras, wonders Doug, when “we have access to the real, foul-tempered thing.” Doug knows whereof he speaks. While riding a mountain bike at Farragut Park once, he was treed by a moose. For 2 ½ hours. Concludes Doug: “Believe me, vandalizing was not on my mind (though becoming a hunter was).”

Poet’s Corner

“On Sherman Avenue life is very sweet:/We eat our lunch out by the street/Amid the rap songs cars let loose/And watch the tourists pet the moose” – The Bard of Sherman Avenue (“Downtown in the Summer”) … And: “Some few Alces Americana/Are yellow like a ripe banana,/Or purple hued and draped with chain,/and they all live in Coeur d’Alene” – The Bard (“Rare Moose”) … Phil Corless, a relative newcomer to CdA, has the punishment to match the moose vandalism crimes: “They ought to GET what they GAVE… . First, we flip them over, then break their ankles, and then start ripping things off their bodies.” Ouch!

You Go, Girl

Bonner County Deputy Dawgs scrambled recently when they heard there was a femme on Sandpoint’s Long Bridge. Nah, she wasn’t jumping. The call was categorized as “Official Misconduct.” Unofficially, here’s the poop from the police log: “Deputies were unable to locate a female reportedly urinating on the Long Bridge.” Seems she got up and went after she had to go … In the Foolish Things to Do with A Cell Phone category, Deputy Dawgs stopped at the Huetter rest stop, west of CdA, after they were unable to find a DUI driver reportedly weaving all over the interstate. They wanted to talk to the Concerned Citizen who’d phoned them. When the guy got out of his car, the fumes on his breath nearly knocked the deputies over. Yeah, they popped him for DUI. D’oh! Shoulda saved that call for the bondsman.

Huckleberries

In an interview with S-R reporter Richard Roesler, The Seattle Times and the P-I Thursday, George W. showed he was well-prepped for his visit to Spokane. “Some people call it ‘Spo-KANE,’ ” the prez joked. “Not me. Spo-kan.” But can he pronounce “strategy”? … At the recent Women of Wisdom luncheon in Sandpoint, first lady Patricia Kempthorne said two things of note: She wanted to be remembered as “nice” – like the women being honored for making a difference in the community. And? She’d love to move to Sandpoint someday … Mrs. K also mentioned she couldn’t wait to get back to Idaho during the years hubby Dirk was serving in the U.S. Senate. She knows a good state when she sees one … Hope the guv kept his shirt on at the dedication of the water slides at Silverwood’s Boulder Beach Friday. Middle-age Sandpoint femmes are still swooning over that Bonner County Beefcake shot of him emerging in swim trunks from Lake Pend Oreille some time back … Slogan on Hauser Web site: “Hauser is what America was.”

Parting Shot

In her final column, Editor Kristen Mico of the Cedar Post talked about her four years at Sandpoint High. And romance. Quoth: “For some, it wasn’t until our ‘final season’ you snagged the one you should have been with all along. Doesn’t this always happen on TV? The last season is when everything comes together.” Like Ross and Rachel? Mike and Phoebe? Joey and the baby duck? Summer and the unemployment line?