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The Slice: Sinking into debate over docks


Bah is fully recovered from a surgical procedure.
 (The Spokesman-Review)

I love overhearing two guys argue about whose dock is in worse shape.

Almost invariably, each asserts that his is practically ready to crumble into the lake.

In these spirited poor-mouth competitions, the winner is the one who most persuasively makes the case that divine intervention is the only thing keeping his dock above water.

“This week’s featured stuffed animal: Joselyn Pierce, who turns 4 in August, has a toy lamb she calls Bah. “He is well loved,” said Joselyn’s mother, Kari.

All that affection, combined with multiple washings and resewn seams have left the little lamb looking a bit tired. Anyone seeking to shear Bah wouldn’t find much wool left.

“Look, Mom, you can see through Bah’s arm,” Joselyn was heard to say recently.

In addition to hours and hours of loyal daytime service, Bah has provided slumber companionship throughout Joselyn’s life.

A music box-ectomy removed a hard device in Bah’s chest. The lamb recovered nicely and is now easier to wash and softer to hug.

“Seasonal countdown: Summer starts at 5:57 p.m. on June 20. So that gives you a month to finish up your spring checklist.

What’s that you say? You don’t have a spring checklist?

OK, here’s one you can borrow.

1. Launch a romance for the ages.

2. Get excited about salads.

3. Do something about the garage.

4. Name your fear.

5. Choose a new look, then decide to stick with the old look.

“The downside to our low humidity: Ralph Smith in Post Falls mentioned static electricity lip-shocks when kissing. And Chewelah’s Mary Ann West cited several issues pertaining to dust.

“Here’s The Slice’s nomination for tourism slogan of the year: It’s from Deadwood, S.D.

“Wild Bill Hickok spent the summer of 1876 in Deadwood. He never went home.”

Isn’t that great?

I’ll send a prize to the reader who comes up with the best way to rip that off for local use. Admittedly, this will be a challenge as most of the people around here who have been shot in the back of the head while playing cards have not been all that famous.

“This date in Slice column history (2000): In a “be the first to call” offer, I volunteered to mow someone’s lawn. (It was a Saturday.) Fifty-nine readers left phone messages. But the first was a North Side great-grandmother, who just needed me to do her front yard.

“Another misheard song lyric: When he was about 6, Dora-Faye Hendricks’ son insisted that Cher’s “Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves” was “Gypsies, Cats and Fleas.”

My apologies to those now doomed to hum that all day.

“Warm-up questions: What Spokane area apartment complex has the best name? Which has the worst?

“Today’s Slice question: Can women tell when a guy is holding his stomach in?

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