Less talk, more action please

Q: I’m a 40-year-old man, married seven years, with an adopted son. My wife is 34 and has been putting off all sexual advances for a long time. We are only having sex about five to seven times a year. When we do have sex, it’s only missionary and I have to do all the work. She complains constantly of back pain and neck pain and carpel tunnel and that justifies any type of foreplay being out.

I don’t know what to do, but I can’t live with sex only five to seven times a year.

I honestly have thought about leaving her, but I worry about my son.

I’ve been unhappy for years and the lack of affection is also really lowering my self-worth. What can I do?

Steve: You’ve been married seven years and have sex five times a year? You guys are hot! Just kidding. You really need to get to a marriage counselor. There is a major problem here — either medical or psychological — and you should address it immediately.

Mia: Ah, the old carpal tunnel excuse. Classic. She must really hate having sex with you, dude. Get help fast before it’s too late.

Q: I’m a man in my late 20s and have had a series of failed relationships. I swerve from attractive women to intelligent women and back again. The attractive ones bore me after a month or two. The intelligent ones all either have emotional problems or the chemistry is bad. In the end, I always feel lousy. I’m depressed about ever meeting Ms. Right. Can you help?

Steve: One of Steve and Mia’s predecessors in the advice biz, a guy named Aeschylus, suggested, “In agony, learn wisdom.” Experience will help you make better choices.

Mia: I think classifying women as either “attractive” or “intelligent” and then stereotyping them is part of your problem. You need to look around for a girl who you are attracted to physically and intellectually. She’s out there, just take your time with it.