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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Discussions OK when sides not chosen



 (The Spokesman-Review)
Judith Martin United Feature Syndicate

It seems un-American to have etiquette restrictions on discussing politics informally, among friends, colleagues and anyone else who will stand still long enough. How else are the citizens supposed to thrash out the plethora of complex issues of our time and arrive at judicious and reasoned decisions?

Well, we could study one another’s T-shirts and bumper stickers. We could glean understanding from those who shout down candidates before anyone hears what they have to say, and those who start cheering them before anyone hears what they have to say. Or we can just snap out opinions at one another, and remark upon the stupidity of anyone who doesn’t agree.

Since this is what we do anyway, it strikes Miss Manners that etiquette hardly needs to caution that political conversation can be volatile. Conversation? What conversation?

When was the last time you heard political talk that included such phrases as “You do have a point there” or “I hadn’t thought of that” or “Tell me more about how that would work”?

Miss Manners can sense the derision felt for these wimpy statements. Why would you say such things unless you didn’t know what you were talking about? Anyway, you don’t win by making the other person look smart. And you certainly don’t win by showing yourself to be so unsure of your beliefs that you can be talked out of them.

She doesn’t doubt that this assessment is true for people who are running for office. What puzzles her is why the electorate is more interested in demonstrating that it already knows everything than in delving for information and exchanging ideas.

Perhaps it is because we are so used to observing and participating in conflicts in which sides are chosen ahead of time, anything short of total endorsement constitutes disloyalty, and the object is to win. In law, sports, debates, and business and international negotiations, partisanship is a given.

Even then, the particular rules that apply mandate that each side be allotted a fair chance, limit the tactics that can be used, and require a show of respect for the opposition and for the presiding authority.

But if there weren’t a great many people reserving judgment, we could all go to bed early on election night. These are the people whom etiquette hates to prevent from talking politics. In theory, they could trade information and insights, and all come out the wiser.

The practice, however, is miserable. Gentle Readers report being hounded by acquaintances and strangers declaring and demanding views, berating the opposition and belittling their supporters.

So perhaps Miss Manners needn’t put a ban on discussing politics — but only on political polemics, posturing, prying and engaging others in conversations they do not want to have.