Spa gift a great opportunity for friend to relax

Dear Annie: My good friend, “Ellen,” is going through a difficult time. Her husband of 20 years is having a midlife crisis, and after two months of making Ellen miserable, he finally confessed that he wants a divorce and is looking forward to a new life with his new girlfriend. The jerk even had the nerve to say he doesn’t find Ellen physically attractive. Ellen is in her 40s but looks younger. She’s always watched her weight, takes pride in her appearance and has a fantastic personality.

Ellen is devastated. She’s having problems eating and sleeping, and her self-esteem is in the toilet. Her therapist is working with her and the kids, but a bunch of us would love to treat her to a complete makeover to give her a new look for her new life. However, with all the damage her husband has caused, I’m afraid it would hurt her feelings to suggest that she needs to rethink her hair, makeup and clothing.

Should we do this or leave well enough alone? – Baffled Friend

Dear Friend: We think this is a great way to lift Ellen’s spirits. But don’t approach it as if her appearance needs work. Instead, tell her she deserves to be pampered and you want to cheer her up by treating her to a “spa” day. It would be even better if all of you could afford to accompany her and have a “girls’ day” together. Skip the new clothing and instead consider a pedicure or a massage. Then she will believe it’s a gift to help her relax and not a form of criticism.

Dear Annie: Don’t parents teach their kids manners these days? There was a child about 7 years old in my store last week. He kept shouting over and over, “I want a toy!” His mother couldn’t concentrate on the transaction taking place. To top it off, after being so rude, he was allowed to get the toy he wanted.

I have a 9-year-old daughter, and I teach her basic manners, such as knocking on a closed door before entering, not touching things that do not belong to her, etc.

I will admit that my daughter is smart for her age, but if parents would put their foot down and teach their children some basic courtesies, our world would be a much nicer place. Thanks for allowing me to let off some stream. – Frustrated in Kentucky

Dear Kentucky: Ah yes, purchasing the toy after the child threw a tantrum was definitely the wrong message to send, and too many parents give in to their child’s demands even when they know they shouldn’t. It’s the easy way out.

There are plenty of parents who teach their children manners and consideration for others. They should be commended. The rest should take lessons.

Dear Annie: Our friend, “Dora,” has been diagnosed with Meniere’s syndrome. In a matter of weeks, she has gone from busy and functioning to helpless, dizzy, nauseated and hard-of-hearing. Her quality of life has diminished enormously.

Here’s the real problem: Dora refuses the prescribed diuretics and medication to prevent vertigo. She goes to a homeopathic doctor who prescribes expensive herbs, saying she must “cleanse the lymphatic system.” She has tried acupuncture without results and hypnotherapy once. She’s given up salt, and when she becomes nauseated, she puts on the wristbands people use when traveling. But that’s it.

How can we persuade her to give her doctor a chance? – Her Not-So-Dizzy Friends

Dear Friends: Your concern is appreciated, but Dora’s medical preferences are up to her, and there is no guarantee that standard medical care will improve her condition. Offer Dora these resources: The EAR Foundation, 1817 Patterson St., Nashville, TN 37203-2110 (theearfound.com) and the online site menieresinfo.com. You can check them out, too, for information on how you can help.