Give up for his-story will repeat itself

Dear Annie: I recently separated from my husband of four years due to his accusatory and jealous nature. We also experienced problems with our children from previous marriages and decided it would be best to separate and attend counseling. However, we only attended one session. Now, “Jared” no longer is willing to go.

I recently found out that Jared has been e-mailing my best friend, flirting and soliciting sex. She is married and declined his offer, but I’m sure he’s still trying. He also has made several attempts with other women to have an affair.

Should I continue to hold on to the hope that our marriage is worth saving, or do I accept the fact that a divorce is inevitable? Jared always tells me that I am the only woman he thinks about, but given the recent developments, can I ever trust him? Is this a brief glimpse of his true nature? And is it true that people who accuse others of cheating are generally cheaters themselves? – Displaced Wife in Kansas

Dear Kansas: Cheaters often accuse others of the same deed, but not every accuser is cheating. If Jared is soliciting sex from other women and he refuses to attend counseling sessions with you, he is not interested in preserving your marriage. Without counseling, he will not change his behavior, and you will never trust him. We’re sorry to say, it’s time to cut him loose.

Dear Annie: I have a brother who is married to a woman nobody likes. Over the past several years, she has managed to convince him to stop attending family functions, so now, we barely see him. Phone calls are infrequent. They have a 7-year-old son I have never met.

I realize this miserable situation is not entirely my sister-in-law’s fault. If my brother had any backbone, he would insist on maintaining contact with his family, but obviously, we aren’t that important to him anymore.

I don’t expect you to fix this relationship, but I recall you printed something in your column last year about Reconciliation Day. If you print the information again, I promise to send it to my brother and hope for the best. – Left-Out Sister

Dear Sister: Relationships cannot be improved when only one person is willing to do the work, but we hope printing this will help. We are carrying on the tradition that April 2 be set aside as Reconciliation Day, a time to make the first move toward mending broken relationships. It also would be the day on which we all agree to accept the olive branch extended by a former friend or estranged family member, and do our very best to put our differences in the past and start over.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Tapped Out in Virginia,” who complained that her husband’s friend, Ralph, never antes his share for drinks and snacks at their dart parties.

It may be that Ralph has had more than his share of hard knocks in life, all the guys know it, and they value his friendship beyond what his share of the munchies and drinks would be. Perhaps Ralph makes his attendance worthwhile in other ways.

People shouldn’t be judged by their financial worth. I’d guess Ralph is continually down on his luck, and the guys are happy to share a good time out of pure friendship. She should trust her husband to do the right thing by Ralph. Charity begins at home. – Been There in Wisconsin