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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Kids, pets don’t always mix


Kids and pets often get along wonderfully. But it's not automatic.
 (File/Associated Press / The Spokesman-Review)
Denise Flaim Newsday

CENTEREACH, N.Y – More than a decade ago, Shell and Joanne Styles, who breed a much-mispronounced dog called the Bichon Frise (it’s “bee-SHAWN free-ZAY”), brought home their newborn daughter, Sammie.

Their little white lap-warmers soon accepted the new addition – all except Molly, who growled when they brought the baby near.

“We started a special campaign of ignoring her,” Shell remembers, only acknowledging the dog when Sammie was in the room. “We did that for six consecutive days, and I could see when the light bulb went off. ‘When that annoying person is in the room, they pay attention to me.’ “

Molly was mollified, and all was well.

Disney movies notwithstanding, dogs and kids are not always a match made in heaven – at least, not at first. If it’s normal for humans to be unnerved by the sleepless nights and stream of well-wishers, why should dogs be any different? Some, like Molly, require thoughtful intervention and downtime before they come to terms with the fact that their doggie lives will never be the same again.

And while some dogs may have bumpy transitions, experts say relatively few go the Cujo route.

“There are some dogs who are emotionally and physically incapable of putting up with the excitement and chaos that young children bring,” says certified applied animal behaviorist Patricia McConnell, author of “The Other End of the Leash: Why We Do What We Do Around Dogs” (Ballantine, $13.95). “They are not necessarily rare,” but they are not as common as many parents fear.

The hard part is distinguishing a truly problematic dog from one that just needs time to adjust – a description that fits the vast majority of dogs.

“It’s really smart to let your dogs tell you how they can handle this,” McConnell advises. “I see people who are concerned about what I would call brilliant behavior on their dog’s part. If the dog wants to go away, let him; don’t drag him over.”

The younger the dog, and the more positive his overall experiences with children, the better his ability to adjust, says Pia Silvani, director of training and behavior counseling at St. Hubert’s Dog Training School in Madison, N.J., and co-author of “Raising Puppies & Kids Together” (TFH Publications, $16.95).

“If you’ve got a young dog that’s been properly socialized with children and babies, and this dog appears to really enjoy your friend’s kids, it’s a pretty good bet he will do well,” she says. “If it’s now, ‘Oops, the dog is 10, and we’ve never brought him around children,’ ” that will likely be tougher, though certainly not impossible.

Those oft-recommended acclimation exercises – playing tapes of crying infants, walking around with a doll, or bringing home a blanket with the baby’s scent – may be too little, too late.

“That doesn’t fool a dog,” says Peter Borchelt, a Brooklyn-based certified applied animal behaviorist. “It would be like if you get a paid vacation to Tahiti, and someone says, ‘Let me show you the slide show.’ It doesn’t substitute for the real thing.”

A less obvious preparation is showing the dog that he needs to be flexible to get what he wants.

“One of the biggest problems I see is dogs who don’t have a lot of emotional control and frustration tolerance,” McConnell says. “If dogs are going to live in our houses as family members, they need to learn how to physiologically handle spiraling emotions, not react like a 2-year-old who drops an ice cream cone.”

Indeed, the behavior problems that surface with the arrival of a new baby likely have been there all along. “If the dog has any issues with the adults in the family – if you can’t take objects away, or can’t disturb the dog when he’s resting – that’s a big red flag,” Silvani says.

As for owners, they need to learn to read their dog’s body language, which will help them see signs of fear or aggression early on. It also will prevent them from overreacting to friendly overtures, such as nose nudges, or interpreting playfulness as aggression.

It might take weeks, even months, for a dog to grow comfortable with a baby’s presence – only to confront new challenges.

“The problem I see typically is when the babies start crawling,” Borchelt says. “The dog says, ‘My God, they move, and they’re coming at me!’ “

A toddler’s body language – the unsteady posture, quick movements and tendency to hang and pull – can appear to be odd and threatening to a dog. Even the friendliest pup can knock down a baby, or step or sit on one. Supervision is crucial. “You wouldn’t send your 3-year-old to play touch football with 12-year-olds,” Borchelt says.

Perhaps the greatest injustice owners can visit on their dogs is to give them sole responsibility for behaving. “The rule of thumb is, children give, they don’t take,” Silvani says. “Children should learn they do not remove things from dogs’ mouths – they need to call Mommy or Daddy.”

Ditto for the sanctity of the crate, which should be a place where a dog can retreat without being followed or annoyed. If necessary, Silvani suggests setting up a pen or baby gate to keep the child away.