See lawyer, banker to be sure you’re set
Dear Annie: “Dave” and I recently celebrated our 30th anniversary. Our children are grown, we have well-established careers, and we live a very comfortable lifestyle, although we are not yet in a position to retire.
Recently, Dave announced that he is quitting his job, traveling for several months, then relocating to another country after we sell our house. Oh, and I can come along if I want.
I am in utter shock. Dave has made all these plans based on his needs and desires, completely excluding me, my interests and my needs. What’s up with this? He has agreed to go to marriage counseling. – Mrs. Dr. Jekyll
Dear Mrs. Jekyll: Dave is having a little midlife crisis, and he thinks this is his last hurrah. He could be battling depression or some vague medical problem that has upset him. It’s also possible he is trying to sever ties with you.
Counseling is a good idea, and you absolutely should take him up on his offer. Meanwhile, is the house in his name only? If so, he can sell it out from under you. Make sure your name is on the papers, the checking accounts, savings accounts, retirement accounts, etc. Talk to a lawyer and a banker to be sure you are protected if Dave decides to go his own way and you prefer to stay behind. Good luck.
Dear Annie: You’ve printed letters from people who want to stop sending Christmas gifts. I have the opposite problem.
My husband’s brother and his wife live on the East Coast, and we live in the Midwest. Every Christmas, we have sent small gifts to them and their two young children. Two days ago, I received an e-mail from my sister-in-law, saying they would like to stop exchanging gifts. She said, “The kids just don’t get the point, and they have too much stuff anyway.”
My children don’t expect expensive presents, but they SO look forward to “Uncle Tim’s box” coming to the house. They also enjoy choosing gifts and wrapping them for their little cousins back East.
I already have purchased two small gifts for Tim and his wife. I don’t know what to tell my kids. I don’t even know how to tell my husband that his brother doesn’t want to give him a Christmas gift anymore.
This was one of the last remaining traditions of OUR Christmas. Do we continue to send gifts regardless of their actions, explaining that we enjoy the “giving” part? Or do we respect their wishes and stop? – Enjoys Giving
Dear Enjoys: First, don’t hide this from your husband, but don’t make it sound so ungenerous. It’s possible Tim’s family is under more financial strain than you realize and this tradition is not a pleasure for them.
If you continue to send gifts, your sister-in-law will feel obligated to reciprocate. Instead, send Christmas cards to your nieces and nephews, and let your children buy and wrap gifts for one of the many charitable organizations that provide for families that would sincerely appreciate your kind efforts.
Dear Annie: This is in response to “Apart in New Mexico,” whose husband traveled frequently, and whose children had a difficult time and missed their father, especially at bedtime.
My husband also travels a great deal, and we have four young children. Before he leaves town, my husband makes his own “books on tape” for the kids – he tapes himself reading their favorite bedtime stories. The kids love to hear his voice at the end of the day, and it gives me a few moments of peace to sit and listen to him as well. I hope this helps. – Staying Close in St. Clair Shores, Mich.
Dear St. Clair: What a lovely idea. Thanks for sharing.