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Go ahead – get funky on the dance floor

At what point did the cool new dance become standing still with your arms folded and mean- mugging the performers onstage?

When I go to shows – save for the mosh pits at metal shows – that’s mostly what I see on the dance floor.

I was lucky last weekend to see a phenomenal rock show with the debut of the supergroup Weight of Vapor (combining local rock dynamos Belt of Vapor and Weight).

Just as Aaron Powell switched mid-song from bass to guitar, signaling that the constructicons were about to form Devastator, I let out a big ol’ “Whoo hoo!” like I’m singing Blur’s “Song 2.” The woman in front of me turned around and gave me a dirty look as if I had farted in a library.

I shrugged her off and kept bouncing, not really giving it much thought.

But the next day I ran into Mr. Cornpockets, and he/she informed me the same disgusting display was going on across the nation, and he/she was on a mission to free people from their soul-slavery.

Cornpockets’ crusade is about to invade Spokane and inspire you to set your freakside free.

Mr. Cornpockets brings the Foxxy Moron and the Sexxy Revolution cabaret-style burlesque show and dance party on Saturday night to The B-Side, 230 W. Riverside Ave. Showtime in 9 p.m. There is a $6 cover.

“Who’s Mr. Cornpockets and what in Judas-rockin’-Priest is a Sexxy Revolution?” you ask.

Mr. Cornpockets is a myth, a legend, an idea – like Ra’s Al Ghul, Keyser Soze or honest politicians.

No one is sure if Mr. Cornpockets is male, female or human. Cornpockets appears in various incarnations, sometimes dressed in a banana suit or Mandalorian battle armor. Cornpockets emerged before me as a panda bear wearing blue lipstick (no one gave a second glance because Cornpockets blended in with the other psychedelic bears on the downtown streets).

“Som,” the talking panda said. “I’m about to shock people awake. I’m seeing a global trend that people are afraid to let go. They don’t understand how to get weird. These are scary times.”

“Mr. Cornpockets,” I said. “I hope crack makes a comeback because one of us needs to lay off the meth.”

Then I forgot that I was conversing with an endangered animal in public when Cornpockets told me of his ingenious freak show, for which he is wanted in every state.

The show includes comedy skits, live music, deejay dance music, lots of beer and plenty of nudity onstage so you don’t have to worry about people staring at you and your newly discovered dance of liberation.

Foxxy is the lead singer of a five-piece band that plays music that is so otherworldly, it requires two drummers with full kits to keep the pace – sort of a cross between Frankie Goes To Hollywood and Boston.

During the show, a woman will give birth onstage and then be arrested, taken away in handcuffs and return pregnant because of “officer misconduct,” as Cornpockets put it.

That’s just the warm-up act. Following will be cabaret-style comedy skits, featuring performers from Seattle. The skits will be split with two 30 minute sets by the Sexxy Revolution. The stage later will be adorned by two burlesque dancers, one man and one woman, “both incredibly sexy,” Cornpockets said.

The culmination of weirdness is the grand finale, a dance party with soul, cutting-edge house music and familiar songs from the likes of Michael Jackson (can’t have a freak show without him).

Crowd involvement is key, so participation points will be awarded in the form of $200 in free beer tickets that will be passed out during the show.

But if you can let go of your inhibitions sans-couragejuice, more power to you.

So get over yourself, get out of your skin and, for the love of everything funky, dance to the music.

The coolest thing you can do is not worry about looking cool, or acting cool. Just be cool.