Bring us your knights, dames, imps and pixies

Last week Queen Elizabeth named Seattle billionaire Bill Gates an honorary knight of the British monarchy.

It was about time.

The Northwest, with its rain and its gardens, and its many residents of British and Irish descent, should be filled with more knights and dames, if not lords and ladies, imps and pixies.

American-style democracy equalizes us all, but wouldn’t this region be a more colorful place with a few more characters imported from the British Isles?

The man I now think of as Sir Bill won me over a few years back when he sent me an anecdote for a story I was writing about his older sister.

When the Gates children were small, the future knight apparently fell into the role of the annoying little brother. When his sister and her friends played “house,” he’d ask if he could play, too. The older girls would deliberate and issue a command: He could play, but he couldn’t be the dad or the brother. He had to be the dog.

At the time the U.S. Justice Department was pursuing a case against Gates and Microsoft. Once I heard that anecdote, though, I couldn’t work up as much concern about the lawsuit as I might have. Just how much trouble can a pretend dog cause, anyway?

Surely the Inland Northwest overflows with potential knights.

This week the Kennel Club at Gonzaga University would certainly dub its favorite forward Sir Ronny Turiaf. He deserves knighthood just for sticking around to play his senior year, let alone for all the swashbuckling brilliance he displays on the court.

The region has plenty of candidates for dames and duchesses, too. Wouldn’t Crosswalk founder Marilee Roloff make a fine dame? Shouldn’t Patty Duke by all rights be Duchess of Kootenai?

Let’s not stop at knights and dames. We should have fairy godmothers, leprechauns and pirates, too.

For my daughters, Spokane ballet teacher Peggy Goodner-Tan and former Wilson fifth-grade teacher Debbie Rotchford cast an enchantment over their lives. If I were queen of the Inland Northwest, I’d dub them fairy godmothers. The region’s full of them. You and your children know who they are.

Former Spokane Mayor Jack Geraghty, who I regularly see spreading cheer and his favorite recipe for Jack Chicken around the region, strikes me as a candidate for leprechaun.

And pirates? Maybe they’re the men bilking seniors out of investments in failing mortgage companies or endangering the Spokane aquifer with leaking diesel fuel. Or maybe they’re pursuing more upstanding activities, only with a rather fiendish glee in their eyes.

This time, you tell me. If you were Queen or King of the Inland Northwest, who would you dub knight of the realm? Who would you honor with the title of dame or duchess? And who fits the role of fairy godmother, pirate or leprechaun in your world?

Send me your candidates for inclusion in an upcoming column. I’ll select the best and find some suitably appropriate Anglophile prize to send you.

And don’t be constrained by traditional gender roles. Washington’s new governor Christine Gregoire, for example, strikes me as more of a knight than a dame. As attorney general, she slew the dragons of the tobacco industry, she fought cancer and she overcame a fierce opponent in the governor’s race. All activities worthy of knighthood, I’d say.

If you’d like to throw in candidates for princess or wizard, sorceress or elf, have at it.

Send your nominations to me at the contact information listed below. Be sure to include your name, address, daytime phone number and e-mail address, along with your nominations for Inland Northwest characters of the realm.

His Royal Highness John Stockton, prince of Jack and Dan’s. You have to admit: It has a certain ring to it.