Nickname ideas rolling in

Exit 289 may have erred two weeks ago by inviting readers to come up with a new nickname for Spokane Valley.

Monday’s paper lands on more than 98,000 doorsteps. Only about a fourth of those papers are delivered between Havana Street and the Idaho state line, which is this column’s area of concern. We should have kept it in the family.

There’s a reason Mom asked only Dad if her white polyester slacks made her look fat and never consulted the mailman or folks next door. Dad knew when to say no. Our non-Spokane Valley readers did not.

A north Spokane resident suggested the nickname, “Where the sidewalk ends,” and though Shel Silverstein wrote a nice children’s poem by that name, that wasn’t our reader’s inspiration. His second nomination was, “Mobile homes and meth labs.”

Our nickname idea was launched after Spokane Valley’s City Council hired a San Francisco consultant to tell them what he thought of Sprague Avenue, a metro-sized pair of white trousers if there ever were such a garment. Outsider that he was, he concluded that Spokane Valley was the “city without a heart.” Exit 289 thought its readers could come up with a better name than that.

Robert Bourke, of Spokane, didn’t disagree with the “heartless comment.” Rather, he suggested exporting the Lilac City’s mayor to Spokane’s cardio-challenged cousin.

“I will gladly send West to the Valley – Jim West, that is,” Bourke said. “They could do no better to match their ‘without a heart’ to Jim Dandy’s recent statements not wanting to fund social services.”

The Valley residents didn’t appreciate Spokane any better.

“Before we get a slogan, we need to change the name,” said Bill Farley.

Farley and others wanted to can the Spokane in Spokane Valley. Opportunity, or versions thereof, seemed like the name of choice.

Joe Hunt, a 55-year resident of Spokane Valley, suggested melding Opportunity with Progressive, a trait he’d like his city to have, to form “Proportunity.”

Patti Boyd of John L. Scott Real Estate suggested “The city of Opportunity and the vision of tomorrow,” because of the city’s many possibilities for growth.

Chuck Trier thought the two-year-old city shouldn’t distance itself from Spokane, but capitalize on the larger city’s new motto.

“I am still in favor of seeing a sign that says, ‘Welcome to the City of Spokane Valley, it’s perfect,’ ” Trier said. “This would, of course, give added and very real meaning to Spokane’s promo, ‘near nature, near perfect.’ We do what we can to help in the Valley.”

Not all the grapes sent from the west were sour. Louise Harrison of Spokane suggested a slogan endorsing the Valley’s new cityhood and promoting its strong, and not-so-strong, points. “Don’t look back now; let Spokane Valley be your promised land with its fresh air, scenic beauty and exquisite shopping malls!!”

Plenty of readers living in Spokane Valley didn’t reach for exquisite when describing Spokane Valley’s shopping scene. Deborah Chan suggested “There’s always space for lease,” “Cash advance/pawn shops on every corner” and “A Sprague runs through it.”

Chan’s husband, Richard, suggested “Land of a Thousand Garage Sales.”

There were more, some brochure-ish, some not so kind.

Eric Cairns might have gotten it right when he offered the “Serendipity City.”

“I was just laughing about how everyone thinks their town is a gem,” Cairns said. “There’s a nice spot in every city.”

And if we’re really looking for an image makeover, we might want to leave our white pants in the closet.