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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Whining a tradition in the NBA

Norman Chad Syndicated columnist

I‘ve been watching the NBA playoffs and, to this point, the stats tell the story. When the Celtics were eliminated by the Pacers on Saturday night, Boston was 27 of 73 from the field, 4 of 18 from 3-point range and 0 of 73 in complaints to officials.

It’s an NBA tradition. Players complain to referees, coaches complain to the media and fans complain about a conspiracy.

I could swear I saw the Heat’s Damon Jones come out for an opening tip and complain that the showerheads in the visitors’ locker room had poor water pressure.

The complaints about calls, non-calls, perceived injustices, violations and alleged crimes are so severe, the games should be televised by Court TV.

They complain about anything and everything – except traveling. Nobody complains about traveling. Alonzo Mourning has taken so many steps in his career, he’s walked halfway to China.

Back in the day, when me and my cronies went to summer basketball camp, counselors and coaches always emphasized, “Follow your shot.” Which meant to get yourself in position to rebound a potential miss. Nowadays, “follow your shot” means “turn around and complain to the ref that the reason you missed the shot was because he missed the foul.”

NBA coaches whine even more incessantly than the players. When you see them pull out that folded-up sheet of paper, it’s not a list of situational plays; rather, they’ve scripted their first 15 complaints.

Frankly, some referees are partly to blame. They engage and enable the complainers – they actually respond and talk back! What is this, “The Jerry Springer Show?” The refs should follow the lead of veteran official Joey Crawford, who would tee up a Franciscan monk for looking at him funny.

(Column intermission: You think NBA types could learn a lesson from Andy Roddick? At the Rome Masters last week, his opponent, Fernando Verdasco, had double-faulted on match point. Match over. Except Roddick checked the ball mark and told the umpire the serve was in, not out, and Verdasco then rallied to beat Roddick. This is called “sportsmanship” – you can find it in the dictionary, a good ways back from “McEnroe.”)

It’s all-whine all the time. It never stops, on or off the court.

These guys would go to Morton’s and argue with the sommelier on the pinot noir he selected.

Heck, Nuggets coach George Karl complained during a first-round series that the Spurs’ Manu Ginobili was getting away with charging. Charging! By the time Karl was done with his harangue, Ginobili sounded more dangerous than the Gambino family.

Even more pointedly, Rockets coach Jeff Van Gundy incurred NBA commissioner David Stern’s wrath – and a $100,000 fine – for saying that a mole let him know the league was biased against Yao Ming. Van Gundy’s Deep Throat told him refs were targeting Yao because of Mavericks owner Mark Cuban’s complaints.

By the way, I guarantee you Stern will find out who was singing like a canary to Van Gundy, and that pigeon will be working AAU games in Poughkeepsie by next fall.

Undeniably, all this moaning and groaning is an offshoot of our instant-replay-as-an-officiating-tool, Bob-Trumpy-and-Joe-Theismann- questioning- every-flag, Bill-Walton-with-his-“that’s-a -horrible- call,” talk-radio-and-the- Internet mentality that has permeated and polluted the culture for the past generation. Or, as my Uncle Nathan used to say, “If you sleep with a horse long enough, don’t be surprised when you wake up next to a horse’s head.”

This has all got to stop.

Let’s try this instead:

The whistle blows. The ref makes the call. The game resumes. Rinse and repeat.

Then again, on the other hand – and I hate to complain – Shaquille O’Neal must get fouled, oh, 40 or 50 times a game. And they don’t call hardly any of them.

Ask The Slouch

Q. Your column appears weekly. I figure it takes you about an hour to turn it out. So what do you do with the other six-plus days of the week? (Rudy Kluiber; Cleveland)

A. Tuesdays I go to the 99-cent-only store with a $5 bill, Wednesdays I watch the distributor drop off cases of Rolling Rock at the corner liquor mart and, well, I like to keep the rest of the week open in case there’s something good on TV.

Q. What is Dennis Rodman doing? (Don Edmonds; Yakima, Wash.)

A. He’s probably getting a neck tattoo for his pet turtle as we speak.

Q. Didn’t pantyhose used to consist of panties and hose – hence the name? So when did women start wearing panties and pantyhose? (Russell Pittman; Takoma Park, Md.)

A. Perhaps you’re confusing my column with “Ask Marilyn.”

Q. Given the fact Congress took on baseball and steroids, do you think it should take on bowling and haircuts? (Dante Zanone; Phoenix)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.