Parents: Don’t interfere with valuable lessons
OK, Mom and Dad, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but Lil’ Johnny and Lil’ Janie probably won’t be participating in college athletics anytime soon.
There, I said it and I feel much better. If you have these pie-in-the-sky dreams that they will play big-time college sports, don’t hold your breath. (And oh, by the way, they are not your dreams anyway; they are your kids’ dreams.)
According to an NCAA report titled “Estimated Probability of Competing in Athletics Beyond the High School Interscholastic Level,” if Lil’ Johnny or Lil’ Janie is on the high school basketball team as a senior, there is about a 3 percent chance that he or she will play in college. Looking at real numbers, let’s estimate that out of the 14 Greater Spokane League schools there are approximately 12 positions on each boys and girls varsity basketball team, and of those positions half are made up of seniors, for a total of 84 per gender. Simple math would tell us that out of those 168 players, about five of those will have a chance to play college basketball. Granted, basketball is about the toughest sport in which to continue competing after high school, but most other sports are still in the 4 to 5 percent range.
What’s my point?
I don’t want to go Dr. Phil on you here, but I think it’s time we start being honest and realistic with our children (unlike the family and friends of those American Idol participants who didn’t tell them that they really do stink).
Don’t get me wrong, it’s all right to dream and strive for something you really enjoy doing. Some of the best and most important life skills will be learned on the journey, rather than on the potential of achieving that dream. Most important, we should talk to our kids about the real, long-term benefits of participating in high school athletics: teamwork, knowing your role, goal-setting, leadership, communication, listening, persistence, perseverance, fair play, and knowing how to win and lose with grace. (Sorry parents, but in every competitive event, there will always be a winner and a loser.)
The list of benefits is endless. The negatives are minimal, as long as we parents don’t let our personal judgment get clouded. Supposedly, we are the adults who have had the years of life experiences – years of dealing with the ups and downs of everyday living. It’s amazing to me to see how often we parents, and yes, even grandparents, revert back to child-like behavior when our kids are on the court or playing field.
Sure, we all want what is best for our kids, but do we really want to embarrass them and at the same time make ourselves look like the fool? Don’t be “that parent.”
“That parent,” who is always critical of the referees, the coaching, even players on his own kid’s team. “That parent,” who constantly bothers the coach about more playing time for his kid. “That parent,” who is always coaching from the sidelines. “That parent,” who goes behind the coach’s back to complain.
When things start to get hot and heavy on the court or playing field and we start sounding like “that parent,” remember that the kids are playing a “game,” and that it is their game, not ours. Let them have fun. Let them learn for themselves through their experiences. Help them to maintain their passion of sport for the rest of their lives. Help them to deal with the negatives in a positive manner. Allow them to start taking ownership in their lives.
They are young adults, and in a few years they will be out on their own. With luck, they will look back and realize the positive impact their athletic experience had on them.
We are fortunate to have a lot of excellent coaches in our community who are passionate about what they do. However, do yourself and me a favor and never ask them how much they make on an hourly basis in their particular sport. Once they figure it out, they will run for the exits of the gym quicker than they can turn off the calculator.
Most of us see only the games that are being played during the week and not the amount of time spent preparing for practices and games, watching film, studying new concepts, attending clinics, organizing and running camps for kids, summer leagues, off-season fitness preparation and much, much more. For most coaches, it is a year-round endeavor. It is quiet obvious that most don’t coach for the money. They coach because they love what they do and they enjoy being around kids who have a similar passion.
We must support our coaches in a positive manner and let them do their jobs. And we must set a good example for our children and help them to see the bigger picture.
If we can work toward this, there will be more winners than losers.