The Slice: Let’s keep names to humans, not storms

Slice reader Jack Stephens had a question. “Why don’t we name our snowstorms in Spokane?”

Well, I’ll tell you, Jack. I think it has something to do with fears that parents of recent newborns might get involved. And no one wants to read about snow accumulations piled up by Duhkotah or Madyzyn.

But Stephens, a computer programmer, suggested getting names from future hurricane lists, going the “Alpha,” “Bravo,” route or naming blizzards after local politicians.

“Once “the baby” always the baby: Cindy Hval’s son in seventh grade is already working on a Nativity- themed presentation with some other kids.

“Casting was complete except for one key person,” wrote Hval. “They needed a baby for the manger.”

Hval’s son had the answer. “We can use my baby brother,” he volunteered.

Then he remembered. His baby brother is now 6 years old and a tad too big for the role.

“Uh, never mind.”

“Slice answer: I usually can’t do much with anonymous submissions. But I had to laugh at a sentence in a fax from a Spokane medical office. The sender nominated an employee there as the area’s “most hit-on” receptionist: “Her motto is ‘Don’t you wish your girlfriend was as hot, hot, hot as me?’ ”

“Sales dogma: Shirley Armitage was taking a walk in the Indian Trail area when she came upon a pen of black puppies in a front yard. The pooches, purebred bouviers, were extra cute. One of two little girls keeping an eye on the young canines said they were for sale, for $1,000.

“Apiece?” asked Armitage.

“No,” said the little girl. “For the whole puppy.”

“Slice answer (avoiding downtown): “Downtown Spokane and The Valley are like foreign cultures to me,” wrote North Sider Sherri Crisp. “If I were to venture there, could I communicate with the locals? Would my attire be appropriate?”

“Day-care skeptic: Kristy Bennett presented her young charges with mint-flavored Oreo cookies. But a 4-year-old named Jackie sniffed one and whispered to the child next to her, “Don’t eat these cookies. They have toothpaste in the middle.”

Sounds like a scene from a prison movie featuring preschoolers as the hardened cons.

“Pssst, Caitlin. Stick with me, kid. We’re bustin’ outta here.”

“Slice answer (awful pet names): One of Kristi Luttrull’s relatives named a dog “Nipples.”

“Warm-up questions: Who holds the Inland Northwest record for giving directions over the phone (to his or her business or residence) the greatest number of times? When you find yourself people-watching, do you do so with charity in your heart? When did you realize clutter had won? What area town with parking meters has the smallest number of them? Do you check each egg before putting the carton in your shopping cart?

“Today’s Slice question: My dentist’s whole family took karate lessons. What has your family done together?