TV Guide’s missing out
Put fresh batteries in the remote control. Stock up on chips, soda and adult diapers.
The new fall boob-tube season has begun, and I can’t think of one good reason to leave the couch before next year – when the reruns start. Trouble is, there’s so much programming that many shows with high local interest haven’t even made TV Guide yet.
So let me give you a heads-up on the following Must-See TV:
Survivor Morning Star – Reality – Castaways meet their match in the most grueling Survivor yet.
Episode One: Two dozen players are marooned on Spokane’s Morning Star Boys’ Ranch. Contestants are subjected to an unspeakable immunity challenge in the Morning Star Flower Garden of Shame.
For the first time in series history, players stop trying to outlast, outwit and survive each other and start begging to be voted off. “Keep the million bucks,” sobs one of the broken players. “Just get me outta this nuthouse!”
Leave it to Bradley – Comedy – The bumbling misadventures of an oily-but-lovable Spokane city councilman.
Episode One: The star, post-pubescent Brad Stark, gets the laugh track roaring when he tries to trade the city’s Riverfront Park Clocktower to the railroad for free tickets to Mexico.
All is forgiven when boyish Brad stammers out a sheepish apology during a council meeting and recites the Boy Scout Oath. Disappointed-but-amused council members shake their heads and utter the series catchphrase in unison:
“Oh, Braaaadley.”
Desperate Valleyites – Soap Opera – Status-conscious Spokane Valley socialites struggle to stay classy in a less-than-luxurious landscape.
Episode One: Deb and Ivana are mortified when they run into each other at Home Depot and discover they are both wearing the same Versace gown. The Spokane Valley Culture Club holds a “high tea” at Hooters. A billionaire’s hunky son creates social shockwaves by not only coming out as gay, but in favor of Valley disincorporation.
Roger B. Goes to College – Reality – Cameras follow Spokane Police Chief Roger Bragdon as he enrolls in community college and attempts to mend his broken promise to get a degree.
Episode One: Bragdon pepper sprays and handcuffs the dean of instruction when she won’t let him substitute cake decorating for an intro to algebra class.
Police spokesman Lt. Dick Kissbottom quickly issues a press release stating he would gladly stick his head in a running blender for the chief.
Pimp My Road – Reality – A team of asphalt slinging Samaritans tries to help hapless homeowners living on Spokane’s worst washboard roads.
Episode One: The show is abruptly canceled when the Pimp My Road Humvee breaks an axle while driving to a pothole-plagued residence on Southeast Boulevard.
American Idle – Documentary – True life adventures of loafers and ne’er-do-wells who hang out at Spokane’s downtown bus plaza.
Episode One: Ex-con Snake shows street teens how to smoke crack. A man with facial tattoos is chased by security officers after urinating in a Davenport Hotel flower pot. A transient accuses a friend of bong theft.
We Dream of Jeanne – Drama – Memorable flashbacks from the 100-year tenure of Millwood Mayor Jeanne Batson.
Episode One: Mayor Jeanne reacts to news of the 1912 sinking of the Titanic by banning ocean liners in the Spokane River.
The West Wing-Nut – Drama – Political action and intrigue set in the Spokane mayor’s office.
Episode One: Mayor Jim West’s public computer is seized by the feds. The City Council demands West’s resignation when an analysis of the confiscated mayoral hard drive shows West has logged more than 1,200 hours on a Clay Aiken chatline.
“The mayor’s way sicker than we thought,” remarks an FBI agent.