The Slice: This just in: Easter Bunny likes brunch

Easter is still 10 days away.

But some are already getting ready.

As a result of unbelievable luck, The Slice was able to conduct an e-mail interview with the Easter Bunny. Here is a transcript.

Slice: Hello. Thanks for agreeing to do this. Where are you today?

EB: I’m at my headquarters in Santa Monica.

Slice: Is Easter in danger of becoming the center of a cultural controversy along the lines of Christmas?

EB: There always will be people unnerved by the idea that there are those who don’t share their beliefs and attitudes. But the fact that Easter is always on a Sunday helps clarify things.

Slice: Speaking of clarifying … where exactly does the Easter Bunny fit in the story of this holiday?

EB: You should ask a child. I always get a kick out of hearing kids explain it. They know.

Slice: Do you produce your own chocolate?

EB: No. We used to, but costs just got out of control. Today it’s all handled through contract/licensing arrangements.

Slice: Is there one correct way to eat a chocolate bunny?

EB: Ears/head first. Butt first is pagan.

Slice: Do you ever get together with Santa and the Tooth Fairy for a round of golf or something?

EB: I usually try to go skiing with the big guy at least once a year. But I don’t see the Tooth Fairy on a regular basis. After a while, hearing about somebody else’s cash-flow problems gets old.

Slice: Do you worry about contributing to childhood obesity?

EB: No. Easter baskets aren’t the cause of sedentary lifestyles.

Slice: Do people ever confuse you with Bugs Bunny?

EB: The wascally wabbit? No. Bugs is a cartoon character. I’m a beloved seasonal icon evolved from many cultures’ celebrations of faith, fertility and jelly beans.

Slice: What do you say to a child who sees you hiding Easter eggs?

EB: “Go back to bed, kid.”

Slice: Who is your favorite TV character?

EB: Tony Soprano.

Slice: What’s your favorite meal?

EB: Brunch.

Slice: What happens to stuffed bunnies after their owners stop playing with them?

EB: Their spirits move on to animate other children’s toys.

Slice: Is it troubling that some religious people denounce you?

EB: Well, let me tell you. Some religious types are consumed with anger and a desire to fight. They’re missing the point, I’d say.

“Today’s Slice question: What happened after years and years to suddenly improve your opinion of someone?