Present of diapers deserves thanks

Dear Miss Manners: My 20-year-old daughter was recently married. She is also pregnant.

One of the guests at the wedding gave a gift of Pampers and baby wipes. I was simply livid. It was such poor taste.

I would like to know what is an appropriate response to this obvious slight.

Gentle Reader: A letter of thanks for a useful, if not glamorous, present.

Miss Manners does not understand why this troubles you.

It is an insult to insinuate that a bride is pregnant, or at least it used to be. But one who is frankly so can hardly take offense when this is recognized.

Dear Miss Manners: My girlfriend puts bacon bits on her salad, something I find disgusting. I tell her this is “gross.”

She says it is rude of me to comment negatively about her food. I say this is not rude of me, that I think it is gross even though she doesn’t.

Please help us settle this.

Gentle Reader: What is gross here is your putting your nose into someone else’s salad. Miss Manners would say that the lady only erred in not going far enough.

Even monitoring what others eat is rude, much less commenting on it. Even more serious an etiquette travesty is your assumption that thinking something justifies saying it.

Dear Miss Manners: My family has joined a local swimming pool that has a very nice children’s pool. There is a fee for bringing guests.

We occasionally invite friends and pay the fee. I know that some friends would like to be invited more frequently and wonder why we don’t ask them.

I am fairly certain that they are not aware of the guest fees. I would love for them to join us more often but simply cannot afford to pay to bring guests regularly.

Is there a polite way to let them know that they are welcome to join us if they are willing to pay the fee?

Gentle Reader: Although this sounds more like a neighborhood cooperative than a private club, it is ungracious to suggest to guests that they reimburse you for inviting them as guests.

But why don’t you invite them to become members? People you like and who enjoy going there often sound like obvious candidates.

At the least, this will give you an excuse to inform them of the joining cost, the dues and other charges, such as guest fees. If they choose not to join, they still will be able to guess why you do not invite them more often.