The Slice: Wash hands before, after lip lock

Here’s a big Slice welcome to the Colds and Flu Season.

It unofficially starts tonight shortly after 11:59, when lots of strangers wind up kissing at New Year’s Eve parties.

Of course, as always, the best way to avoid catching a case of Spokanthrax is to wash your hands like an obsessive compulsive.

“Just to review: When your car’s tires are futilely spinning on an icy patch, punching the gas even harder isn’t usually the answer.

“The last contest of 2006: Call The Slice phone line before 6 a.m. Tuesday and record your rendition of the Super Chicken theme song. It’s OK if you don’t know every verse. I’m mostly looking for enthusiasm here. (Plus, I want to find out how my own version stacks up.)

As usual, the winner will receive a coveted reporter’s notebook.

If you don’t recall that particular cartoon, you have my condolences.

“Slice answer (who is the Inland Northwest’s worst bowler?): “My wife, Teresa,” wrote insurance man Curt Olsen. “Years ago we met several other couples for an evening of bowling. I offhandedly remarked to our friends that Teresa was so bad at bowling that she was likely to have the ball go down the wrong lane.

“Sure enough, in the second frame, she winds up (apparently forgetting that it was bowling and not softball) and flings the ball hard onto the lane.

“The ball bounced, went over the gutters into the next lane and rolled down for a strike.”

So how do you score that?

Apparently it wouldn’t have mattered much.

“Even if we had given her credit for the strike, she was under 80.”

“Slice salute: Thanks to all area teens who didn’t commit any acts of vandalism or torture any pets this year.

Keep up the good work.

“Half a dozen possible reasons why your 2006 Slice submission did not get printed: 1. You didn’t tell me your phone number.

2. It dealt with a subject the column has already flogged to death.

3. It was brilliant, but due to some flaw in my character or mindset I was incapable of appreciating it.

4. It dealt with politics or some other theme The Slice strives to avoid.

5. You are an angry nutcake. Get help.

6. Sometimes I simply receive more submissions than I can use.

“Warm-up question: How many people got e-mailed Christmas pictures that triggered a computer meltdown of one kind or other?

“Today’s Slice question: To what extent will consecutive three-day weekends make returning to a regular work week schedule on Monday, Jan. 8 seem brutal?

(Of course, some of us will be off again on Monday, Jan. 15, for the Martin Luther King Jr. Day observance.)