The Slice: Save your sympathy for the doc

You’ve got to feel sorry for people working in emergency rooms tonight.

Just think. When they see patients who got drunk and then hurt themselves with fireworks, these medical professionals won’t be allowed to say “Serves you right, moron.”

“Slice answer: “Next to my bed is a double-barreled shotgun and a stuffed toy cat,” wrote Forrest Schuck of Sandpoint. “I’m ready for anything.”

“Marta Bunch’s reaction to e-mail marked “High importance!”: “This is spam.”

“In the matter of packs of early-morning cyclists who seem unaware that they are yelling: “We call them the Biker Boys,” wrote Pam Waddell on the South Hill. “They go by our house like clockwork at 5:50 a.m.”

She said she has considered posting a sign that says “Quiet: Sleeping Zone.”

“Speaking of being overheard in situations where you might not expect it: A reader offered an Inland Northwest lifestyle tip: “Voices carry on the lake like nobody’s business.”

“Close call: Calli Griffith had to come to a screeching stop to avoid running into a vehicle that had carelessly pulled out in front of her.

Yes, the offending party was gabbing on a cell phone.

She was also about 10 years old and riding a pink bicycle.

“Couples with TV-notable first names: “I am turning in my parents,” wrote Alaina Kowitz. “Their names are Todd and Lisa.”

Fans of the golden age of “Saturday Night Live” can nod knowingly.

“Items always in your refrigerator: “Something that should have been thrown out months ago,” wrote John Simanton.

“Leftovers just trying to get moldy enough to be thrown out,” wrote Gardner Bailey.

Others mentioned mustard, baking soda, lip balm, plastic wrap, drinking straws, and a bottle of ale kept more than 20 years for sentimental reasons.

“Today’s Slice question: What can you expect after telling someone that you would prefer that he or she not regard your front lawn as a restroom for his or her dog?

A) That person will henceforth avoid your yard or at least have a plastic bag at the ready.

B) That person will immediately take the dog home and feed it several pounds of salami, cheese and kidney beans, returning the next day to watch it explode on your yard.

C) Your perfectly reasonable request will quickly escalate into a dispute that’s on the brink of a fistfight.

D) Unacquainted with the concept of consideration for others, that person will just stare at you.

E) A lively debate will ensue that concludes only after you say, “You know, your unwillingness to admit that you are in the wrong is embarrassing your dog.”

F) Other.